40 Disney Attractions: 25

At the end of Hollywood Boulevard, the glitzy neon-encrusted Main Street surrogate for Hollywood Studios, sits the Chinese Theater. Decorated outside with the hand and footprints of folks like Jim Henson, Neil Diamond and George Lucas, the Theater(missing the Grauman's title since it was denied rights to use it) houses a display of movie items and, further in, sits a huge movie screen showing a number of trailers(slightly condensed), among them Alien, Singing in the Rain and Raiders of the Lost Ark. All in all, it's a pretty cute little tribute to Hollywood but could never really facilitate an actual r

"Hold onto your wallets and purses, folks. This looks like a bad neighborhood."



25. The Great Movie Ride


All of a sudden, the doors swing open, revealing a 1930s soundstage sitting inside the old Chinese Theater. In truth, as your tour guide reveals, this setting serves as the beginning of a tour through the movies. Not a look at sets or behind-the-scenes nonsense, a tour that literally takes you physically through famous films(or audio-animatronic equivalents). Beginning in the musicals, the ride vehicle travels past Busby Berkley's Footlight Parade and a lamppost-swinging Gene Kelly singing in the rain before passing under the rooftops of London as Julie Andrews and Dick Van Dyke sing Chim Chim Cheree.

From the top of London to the Underworld, the tour continues into the 1930s Chicago of the classic gangster films of years gone by. Passing by James Cagney's Tom Powers in a scene from The Public Enemy, the vehicle is halted by a traffic light, currently red, above a train tunnel. As your tour guide embarks to speak to someone about it(instead of just waiting), they are immediately met with a trio of mobsters(one real, the other two being animatronic) and, as the cops descend on the crime scene, mob boss Mugsy hijacks the car, leaving his team(and the tour guide) for pig feed and holding everyone on board hostage. But first a quick ride into the Old West, where John Wayne and Clint Eastwood warn you of what waits ahead, something the captor doesn't pay mind to. Moving past a saloon shootout, the tour enters the dingy, near dead Nostromo starship(which Mugsy mistakes for Jersey). Nervous, Mugsy speeds by scenes of the Alien popping out, trying to attack, while Sigourney Weaver's Ripley waits in the shadows with a flamethrower.

Moving through a snake-infested temple, the ride finds Indiana Jones and Sallah lifting the Ark of the Covenant out of the tomb before turning a corner to find the TEMPLE OF ANUBIS, home of a MYSTERIOUS JEWEL. Seeing an opportunity to Get Paid, Mugsy ascends the TEMPLE OF ANUBIS steps before being stopped by a temple guard who warns to not touch the MYSTERIOUS JEWEL or else face DIRE CONSEQUENCES, which Mugsy obviously ignores, touching the MYSTERIOUS JEWEL and turning into A SKELETON. The temple guard drops their robe and that's when things get sexy it turns out it's the tour guide! Back on track, the ride passes Mickey Mouse as the sorcerer's apprentice, Rick and Ilsa saying their goodbyes, and Tarzan, King of the Jungle, swinging across the jungle, before finally stopping in Munchkinland.

As the Munchkins welcome you to the merry old land of Oz, the Wicked Witch poofs in, accusing the tour guide of killing her sister before poofing away again after delivering empty threats. Not knowing how to continue, the Munchkins pop back up, realizing a song cue, and sing to follow the Yellow Brick Road. Leading past Dorothy and her crew standing in front of the Emerald City, the road ends in a giant theater which shows a grand finale three minute montage of classic film moments, before ending back up at the soundstage.

The Great Movie Ride is a pretty cute and entertaining blend of live action and robots coming together, something rare at Walt Disney World and it creates a really nice atmosphere to all of Hollywood Studios as the entrance ride to a world of fantastical cinema magic.

40 Disney Attractions: 26

"When you hear the words 'Go for launch,' you'll definitely want to hang on."



26. Mission: SPACE

BOOM what up America, welcome to the future! Literally welcome to the future, because the former home of Horizons is now the International Space Training Center in the year 2036. On this, the 75th anniversary of manned spaceflight, NASA plans to shoot astronauts to Mars for the first time. And y'all are trainees for the X-2 Deep Space shuttle.

After a video starring Gary Sinise hell yes, all trainees are put in groups of four and sent to the fake shuttles for training. Here, each member is assigned a crew position and tasked with pressing a certain button when the time comes. Sure, there are other buttons on the console but they will do nothing and may God help you if you do not push that damned button. Naw, just joking, the ship's auto-pilot will get it if you don't, but you'll look like an unfun jerk.

Following a shaky lift-off, your virtual vehicle slingshots around the moon for that extra push before dropping you into hyperfuturesleep so they have an excuse for the short trip from Earth to Mars. Obviously, since this is a training exercise there are also multiple DRAMATIC PROBLEMS to enhance the drama, but of course those are solved easily, usually with buttons.

In truth, it's just a glorified 2.5 g-force centrifuge mixed with video of space travel, but what makes Mission Space so thrilling is how close to reality it is to actual training. And by that, I mean, a lot of people puked a lot on it to the point that they actually had to create a second, half-throttle version of the ride for people who still like the idea of maybe barfing, but not also possibly having a heart attack.

AND OUR DESTINY
BEGINS WITH YOU AND ME
THROUGH ALL SPACE AND TIME
THE ACHIEVEMENT OF MANKIND
AS WE SAIL THE SEA
OF DISCOVERY
ON HEROES' WINGS WE FLY

40 Disney Attractions: 27

"Hang on to them hats and glasses! 'Cause this here is the wildest ride in the wilderness!"




27. Big Thunder Mountain Railroad

Once upon a time in the American Southwest, specifically a small mining town known as Tumbleweed, gold was discovered in and around the mountain just outside the town. Overnight, Tumbleweed became a prosperous Gold Rush area, with trains built around the mountain to transport ore.

Due to the desecration of the mountain(and a Native American curse), a flash flood destroyed most of the town's livelihood, leaving it to be abandoned for years. That is until folks wandering found that the trains traversing the mountains have been running constantly all this time without an engineer or crew to be found. Somehow people thought this would make a good tourist destination and the Big Thunder Mountain Railroad was born in little Tumbleweed, offering visitors a chance to ride a possessed train around an entirely unstable mining camp located inside a mountain. Cool ideas. Awesome.

Out of the three mountains in the Magic Kingdom, Big Thunder Mountain is probably the most exciting and yet the most overlooked. It's the fastest, going 30 mph, it's got the most atmosphere and story to it, but it tends to be pushed aside for flying in the dark and getting all wet. It's the most conventional roller coaster in Walt Disney World and that's most likely where it goes wrong, because it's an old fashioned roller coaster in an amusement park that rewrote the book on amusement parks.

40 Disney Attractions: 28

"You are not the first to pass this way...nor shall you be the last"



28. Maelstrom

Hei og velkommen til Norge! Displaying a traditional Stave church and a number of interconnected shops in four styles of Norwegian architecture, the Norway pavilion is more than just about the viking. It's also about................................................................trolls. Vikings and trolls. And a storybook buffet.

REGARDLESS, the main attraction of the most recent addition(built in 1988) to the World Showcase is really the closest thing to a thrill ride here. And considering the only other ride is the Three Caballeros Small Mexican World Adventure, it's nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnot saying much. Originally a ride exclusively about trolls, the Norwegian sponsors asked they include other aspects of Norway.

Aboard a Viking ship, the boat slowly climbs a ramp, the guests' view staring directly into the eye of Odin, as he(or possibly someone else???) speaks of the history of Norway. Passing by scenes of early Norwegian villages and Vikings sailing the seas, Maybe-Odin tells of how the myths and legends of trolls living in the swamps still live on to this day.

Leading obviously into a troll-infested swamp, an enraged three-headed troll casts a spell on the boat, sending it backwards over the falls. The falls, if you don't know, are featured outside the ride and look like this:

It's not really a huge drop, but the pool isn't really deep, so it would cause some problems.

Rushing past scenes of puffins and polar bears(??????), the boat slowly inches towards the falls, ready to plunge you into the outside, before......I dunno, the spell wears off or something? The boat turns around, only to reveal a bigger drop right into the North Sea. Falling fast, the ride drops you into a stormy sea, surrounded by massive oil rigs. Finally the boat pulls into the dock of a modern fishing village, as Possibly-But-Maybe-Not-Odin declares the spirit of Norway was, is and always will be adventure.

Then you watch a short film about modern(1988) Norway. Or you don't, because the doors are open and you can just walk right past, walking in front of everyone like a rude jerk(which is what I do). Then you go into all the shops and that's the Maelstrom.

There are no ducks on this ride.

40 Disney Attractions: 29

"If something can't be done with X-S, then it shouldn't be done at all."



29. ExtraTERRORestrial Alien Encounter

To your farthest right upon entering the Magic Kingdom is Tomorrowland is, quite obviously, a world of tomorrow. Not a true future, but the idealized future we all knew as children. A world of flying cars and daily trips to the furthest reaches of outer space. Walt Disney World's Tomorrowland is, visually, most inspired by the pre-World War 2 retrofuturism seen in works like Buck Rogers and Flash Gordon. In keeping with the imagery, Tomorrowland is ostensibly presented as a huge spaceport, complete with conference centers and a metroliner looping around the entire area.

A former sponsor of the Tomorrowland convention center, X-S Tech once presented a demonstration of their new transportation technology. You're given a quick example of what's to come in the pre-show as the Simulated Intelligence Robots(you may call him SIR) shows off the teleporter with the help of a cutesy little alien named Skippy. Of course, once Skippy emerges from the other side, he's completely charred to a crisp and disoriented, so maybe a few bugs need to be worked out.

Entering the main hall(with the towering teleportation tube sitting in the middle), visitors are strapped into their chairs with harnesses and are presented with a live feed from across the galaxy to X-S Tech. Here, chairman L.C. Clench and two employees, Spinlok and Dr. Femus, plan to present their new technology by transporting a single guest to X-S HQ. At least until Clench has the idea that, instead of transporting one person to meet them, he'll transport himself to meet everyone in Tomorrowland. Between the change of plans and the testy Clench's general lack of patience, the signal is WHOOPS accidentally diverted to a different planet, sooooooooooooooooooooo instead of Clench coming down, now it's a massive, winged HR Giger wet dream(although legally different from HR Giger's works and a completely original creation).

Almost predictably, the lights start to freak out until quick flashes of light reveal a shattered and completely empty teleportation tube. The monster is loose in the theater and, judging by how it handled that maintenance worker(as in pulling him into the air ducts and spilling his blood on you), it's not a vegan. But before you're made into an alien's lunch, Spinlok and Femus somehow get the beast to return to his home planet. You're freed from your harnesses as the two technicians continue their search for the now missing Clench.

With positional audio, the use of hot, moist air and the seats actually pressing down on you, the ride uses fairly simple effects to simulate everything from the alien breathing down your neck to slapping you in the head to even licking you. Futurehorror where you're tortured by an alien and you can't even move. For a Disney ride, this is dark as all get out.

40 Disney Attractions: 30

"¿Dónde está Donald?"



30. Gran Fiesta Tour starring the Three Caballeros

World Showcase's Mexico pavilion is a pretty interesting venue. Modeled on a Mesoamerican pyramid, the outside is merely a facade for the huge colonial marketplace that sits inside, always under the night sky.

Prior to 2007, Mexico had a ride that was a cute, if plain, boat ride through the country called El Rio del Tiempo. This was a thing for 25 years until someone at Disney realized that they had their own Latin American cartoon characters to use. Their really awesome Latin American cartoon characters that they never use ever and really really should more often.

Preparing to put on a show for the guest, Jose Carioca the Brazilian parrot and Panchito Pistoles the Mexican rooster have discovered that their third member, Donald Duck, has gone missing. Using Panchito's flying serape, the duo travel across Mexico searching for the sightseeing Donald, before finally catching him doing what he does best(aside from getting angry or sounding like he's got a popcorn kernel stuck in his throat): trying to hit on some hot babes. Donald really loves babes. With the Three Caballeros together again, they finally perform their open air concert beneath a myriad of fireworks.

Short and sweet, the Gran Fiesta Tour is a simple quick ride that's just pretty cute and fun. Plus it has the Three Caballeros and they are the best.