Cover to Cover Part 1: #5-1

5. 911 Is A Joke - Duran Duran (Originally by Public Enemy)

Sounding like he's talking through a telephone made out of a drum machine, Simon LeBon and the rest of Duran Duran manage to make PE's funny and great song into a true joke.

Maybe you guys don't know this, but Duran Duran is composed entirely of white Englishmen who were popular for 80s new wave songs (which were awesome). The only people (white or otherwise) who are allowed to cover Public Enemy are metalheads Anthrax who collaborated on a cover of "Bring the Noise" with the actual group.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_k_BgzSDQNk

4. I'm A Believer - Smash Mouth (Originally by Neil Diamond; Made popular by The Monkees)

How terrible do you have to be to make The Monkees sound like the hottest shit? As terrible as Smash Mouth. This is also, oddly enough, reason #4 of why Shrek sucked pretty hard (reason #1 is POP CULTURE LOL done in the worst way).

Just go ahead and make it sound like the two other songs you have, Smash Mouth. No one's going to notice.

OOPS SORRY EVERYONE DID.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B17W_HT3A9E

3. Comfortably Numb - Scissor Sisters (Originally by Pink Floyd)

Another Pink Floyd song, and from the SAME GOD DAMNED ALBUM NO LESS. I had no idea about this song before researching this list and I was "fortunate enough" to stumble upon this garbage. One reviewer put it the best by saying "You have to really hate a song to cover it the way The Scissor Sisters cover 'Comfortably Numb'."

Wretched to anyone who has heard the original song, this song is completely destroyed by turning it into a fucking Bee Gees song. At least the Bee Gees were enjoyable to listen to and DIDN'T MAKE SHITTY COVERS LIKE THIS QUIT SINGING IN FALSETTO AND GET RID OF THAT DISCO BEAT YOU FUCKING IDIOTS.

Maybe it's just that I love the original so much, but I'm fairly certain that nobody could like this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4km-rwgoAdo

2. Faith - Limp Bizkit (Originally by George Michael Bluth)

Hey look, another Limp Bizkit song! Mr. Durst comes to us this time with a wonderful ditty about not straying away from the one you love.

Wait, no, that was the original. Don't know what this one is about because I CAN'T UNDERSTAND THE FUCKING LYRICS YOU SHIT. Durst starts out by half-whining, half-rasping (or as he calls it "singing"), then he goes into the chorus and it turns into the lamest screamo shit. Oh, he's back to "singing" the "song." Maybe he'll get the note for "devotion" next time! Back to screaming! Aaaaaaaand he just shouted "get the fuck off" and it now sounds like Rage Against The Machine. If Rage Against The Machine were made up entirely of retards in backwards baseball caps.

It would be a fine time to mention that Limp Bizkit, after having broken up a while ago, have managed to settle their differences and reunite. I can only hope the Apocalypse arrives sooner than when they finally do get back together.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Ei_FJWHXys

1. American Pie - Madonna (Originally by Don McLean)

A long, long time ago, I can still remember when this song was good. After 18 years of hearing it on repeat, however, it tends to wear thin after the, oh, thousandth listen, maybe. When everyone finally got sick and tired of it, when the whole world finally understood how much Buddy Holly's death meant to McLean, this fucking bitch enters and puts it all back into our conciousness.

With a self-important video, where she shakes her menopausal tits in front of a green screen filled with generic American images like FLAG or TRACTOR or FAMILIES, Madge manages to create four minutes of worthless, misunderstood music for Ford commercials.

I've long wondered what makes a bad cover song. Turns out I've known this whole time. It's all that's been mentioned and more.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OoUiCBMlQho

Cover to Cover Part 1: #10-6

This is going to be a three part thing I'm doing on cover songs.

The first part is the worst cover songs ever. Here we go.

10. Anything by Anyone (Originally by AC/DC)

Shakira, Celine Dion, Phish, none of you are in my good graces. You have each ruined a song by the Australian hard rockers and have managed to suck the fun out of each.

Shakira, you were able to make "Back In Black" sound like your usual shit, complete with your sub-Jewel yodel. Then you turn around and try to make it actually rock and you still fuck it up.

Phish, congratulations on making "Highway to Hell" sound like a Doobie Brothers song. It sounded like you've heard every MOR rock band from the 70s and just threw them all together.

Celine Dion, you are the worst offender of them all. You not only killed "You Shook Me All Night Long," you did it on LIVE NATIONAL TELEVISION. ON VH-FUCKING-1 FOR CHRIST'S SAKE. Your shameful jumping around and air guitaring has almost completely ruined this song.

If there's any important lesson I can give you for reading this blog. Don't cover AC/DC. It's usually never a good thing. There are so many others I could have put with these three.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FONt47Z0KZg

9. My Generation - Hilary Duff (Originally by The Who)

My Generation is one of the most rebellious songs of the baby boomer generation. The ultimate claim of anger towards those who don't understand. The demand, not plea, that they should all fade away and die off. And, of course, the ultimate put-down to adults "I hope I die before I get old."

Then, one of Disney's little whores got her hands on the song and wet it to the point of turning that powerful, rebellious motto into "I hope I DON'T die before I get old."

Marvelous.

http://wbww.youtube.com/watch?v=OPPuwx-fiIo

8. Another Brick In The Wall - Korn (Originally by Pink Floyd)

Yeah, this is actually called "Another Brick In The Wall Pt. 2," music nerds. Don't think Korn necessarily knows this, though.

This is another example of an artist (or band) taking a rebellious song and shitting all over it. In this case, a song about individuality gets covered by a band who once said that "people who don't wear Adidas aren't our fans." The ironing is delicious.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8uCaySTwk1A

7. Big Yellow Taxi - Counting Crows (Originally by Joni Mitchell)

Hey, you know what would be a great improvement to the already ultra-preachy "Big Yellow Taxi"? More preachiness!

Thank god singer/Jewish Sideshow Bob Adam Duritz was able to increase the preachiness. He also wears a fucking stupid Dr. Seuss hat and makes Michelle Branch only sing the "mmm-bop-bop-bop" part.

It's songs like this that make me want to intentionally destroy the environment.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TsPh_8Dxl3E

6. Behind Blue Eyes - Limp Bizkit (Originally by The Who)

This is the first Limp Bizkit song on this list and the second Who cover on this list.

While a song about being hated is quite apropos for Fred Durst, this isn't the best song. It tries to make him seem deeper than he is and it's quite clear he's not.

Plus there's a fucking computer in the middle of the song and the video completely misses the point of the song, as it is entirely about Fred Durst fucking Halle Berry (how the fuck is she in this video).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qrFwtlMd0H8

Cut It Out

Okay I seriously need to stop with the robot poems. Pretty sure they weren't entertaining or considered creative to anyone but myself.

The only problem now is that I'm sort of at a loss of what to write about.

If someone maybe possibly has an idea of what to write about, it would be greatly appreciated.

Hello Werld!

Why am I-

What am I doing on blogger.

I had a perfectly fine blog on Livejournal. Am I really trying to reach out to a more expansive audience? Barely anybody read my old blog, do I think I'm going to get more people to read my shit?

No one cares. Go. Leave. Stop typing, you idiot.

fffffffff looks like I'm starting anew. I'll start importing my old LJ stuff, I guess.