The Letter N

In a cold and far-off place/There was a lower-case N./Lonely and cold, she would stare off into space/And it was known that she would cry now and then

The Newsman

Oh that poor poor newsman. A one-note character if there ever was one, the Newsman is the anchor of Muppet News who tries to keep an air of dignity to his profession while things fall on him.

That is the spiel with the Newsman. He reads a funny headline and ends up having something fall on him. But you know what? It works. It's funny and cheesy, but that's partly what I love about the Muppets. The ability to throw stupid gags against a wall and have them stick.

The Newsman is like the mascot for the Muppet tradition of one-note joke. And I love him for it.

THE NIGHTMARE

The Muppets have a long standing series of amazing Christmas specials, from Christmas Eve On Sesame Street to A Muppet Christmas Carol. But Emmet Otter's Jug-band Christmas was different.

For one thing, these were entirely new characters. We didn't have Bert and Ernie trading their beloved items to buy a present for each other. We didn't have Kermit dressed as Bob Cratchit getting harassed by Michael Caine. We had Emmet and his mama, Alice, trying to make ends meet in Frogtown Hollow.

Upon hearing of a talent competition, both Emmet and Alice decide to try out and make some money without the other knowing about it. Alice sews a lovely dress and sings a pretty song, and Emmet, after weeks of practicing (or was it days) performs a nice song with his jug band. It's all really nice and sweet.

Until they get their FUCKING ASSES KICKED BY THE FUCKING NIGHTMARE. Formed by local Frogtown Hollow toughs The Riverbottom Gang, led by fellow otter (or gopher or whatever the fuck he is) Chuck (OH maybe he's a woodchuck because his name is Chuck!), the Nightmare perform their signature song "Riverbottom Nightmare Band" and they rock the fuck out. I can't find any actual link to the song, so here's some lady covering it and being pretty cool because she is covering a song FROM EMMET FUCKING OTTER.


Now obviously the Nightmare wins and Emmet and Alice are left without prize money and I mean that without any sarcasm or anything. The protagonists of the film lose the money they need to survive and the asshole antagonists win it all. Merry Christmas everyone!

For more information on Emmet Otter you can look here, which is the second Muppet related Progressive Boink article I've posted this month.