50 Video Game Characters: 41

"Oh dear...you wanna fight me?! This is just dreadful!"



41. Kefka Palazzo (Final Fantasy VI)

A lot of people are scared of clowns and for good reason, they just seem like they're insane. The face paint, the antics, it all just culminates into looking like a big fucking bag of crazy. Kefka is all your fears of clowns and also so much more.
In this scenario, "much more" means "magic and the ability to DESTROY REALITY"

See, Kefka is basically an evil magic clown Deadpool. Originally the Emperor's court mage, he took part in a secret experiment which gave him enhanced powers in the magic department and at the same time diminished his powers in the sanity department. While that doesn't sound like the worst thing, keep in mind he already knew magic and was a Nihilist before the experiment.

By the end of the game, his powers are so great that he has successfully destroyed the world and attained godhood, something many anime villains strive for but fail in completing. Kefka, on the other hand, lacks a fully functioning brain and is able to get his shit together long enough to destroy everything everywhere.

In case you haven't figured it out yet, Kefka is fucking nuts. Completely and wonderfully fucking nuts.

Best moment: Becoming a god and fulfilling the Final Fantasy stereotype of having to fight and kill God.

50 Video Game Characters: 42

"I am the Great Mighty Poo/and I'm going to throw my shit at you"



42. The Great Mighty Poo (Conker's Bad Fur Day)

Say what you will about the Poo and you can say a lot. He's a disgusting, immature and stupid as hell character in game all about crudeness(crudity? crudité?). But you cannot deny that he is indeed one of the most original bosses to ever appear.

As you can see, the Poo is, well, a poo. He is quite literally a giant anthropomorphic piece of stool. I'm not even going to try and be faux-intellectual and break down the character of a giant shit. Okay well maybe a little.

The Poo is, despite his smell, texture and overall look, an incredibly vain creature. Not only is he proud of his feculent lifestyle, he is also quite enamored by the sound of his own voice, judging by the boss fight revolving around him hitting enough operatic notes to crack the glass above him.

By the end of the fight, you're either laughing or tired of this joke. Either way, you know you just went through something thoroughly original. And also something fucking stupid.

Best moment: As he is being flushed, he laments his defeat in a manner similar to the Wicked Witch.

"Ah! You cursed squirrel! Look what you've done! I'm flushing! I'm flushing! Oh, what a world, what a world! Who'd have thought a good little squirrel like you could destroy my beautiful clagginess! Ah! I'm going! Oh! Ahh! No! Aaaaaaah!"

50 Video Game Characters: 43

"Y'know, people are always telling me how lucky I am. But the truth is, everything I touch turns to shit"



43. Nathan Drake (Uncharted)

Nathan Drake is the smuggest being you'll ever meet. He is smug as smug can be. Smugger than you or I. The definition of smug. But the dude has every reason to be.

The descendant of famed explorer Sir Francis Drake, Nathan Drake is an explorer/treasure hunter of Indiana Jones-ish proportions. And by that I mean he is a(fairly handsome) human being who fucks up sometimes, has a quip for every problem and deals with a shitload of mystical artifacts. And by "fucks up sometimes," I mean seriously. Like 90% of the time he has no control over his shit. But somehow he finds his way out of the crappiest situations by sheer willpower(gunpower) and his smarts.

Nathan Drake is the smuggest being you will ever meet, but he is humble as hell and a pretty nice guy. He deserves the sassy smugness.

Best moment: His hand puppetry in Uncharted 2, after being incarcerated for three months.

50 Video Game Characters: 44

"So whaddaya say? A little game of drop the anchor? You and me? Stem to stern? Tug to tanker?



44. Larry Laffer (Leisure Suit Larry)

Short, balding, comically ugly and bedecked in an outfit that was laughably lame even when the first game came out, Larry spends his semi-bawdy series looking for love. A very specific kind of love. The kind with a lot of friction. Maybe some dry humping, too.

Throughout six games, Larry finagles his way through city streets, cruise ships and tropical islands to get his bone on, risking life and limb just to get his dick wet.

Part of what makes Larry great is that he is unabashedly just horny. Stocked with a dictionary's worth of cheesy pick-up lines, Larry embraces his chauvinism in an absurd satire of what it's like to be a pathetic single man.

The thing about Larry Laffer is it's amazing he can get laid at all.

Best moment: In the myriad of ways Larry can die(it is a Sierra game, after all), the best one is when, in the first game, you can die of a sexually transmitted disease if you bone a hooker without a condom on.

50 Video Game Characters: 45

"Thank you, naive human. Now I can finish taking over the world!"



45. Purple Tentacle(Day of the Purple Tentacle)

A being of pure evil, the Purple Tentacle is a highly avanced sentient tentacle, evolved after drinking from Dr. Fred Edison's runoff toxic waste(the waste isn't from anything, it's a pipe specifically designed to pump toxic sludge. it's all the rage with mad scientists these days). Soon enough, he is blessed with a vast intelligence and small flippers.

Unlike most other villains, the Tentacle actually succeeds in his task, if 1/3 of the game is to be believed(before Bernard and his friends stop him that is). When Laverne is accidentally transported 200 years into the future, she finds herself in a dystopia where humans are pets in a tentacle-ruled society and the Purple Tentacle is viewed as a hero. Of course, by the end everything is righted when the Purple Tentacle is prevented from drinking the sludge a day in the past, but there is forever an alternate future where the little guy won. And that's pretty special for a little guy like him.

Best moment: The strange, cartoony transformation sequence that gifts him with stubby little arms.

50 Video Game Characters: 46

"Oh no!"



46. Lemmings(Lemmings)

Cute, cuddly and easily manipulated, the Lemmings are creatures of habit. Tell them to move one way and they will. And that's all they do until the reach a wall or pit. So the obvious solution is to assign them jobs, jobs that they will do until the end of time.

The Lemmings are yours to control and do with what you may. Including just letting them all perish. Press the bomb button and all the remaining Lemmings will have a counter over their heads. When it gets to 0, they go "oh no!" and explode in a little puff.

Sadism is well and alive in the cute little world of the Lemmings. Theirs is an evil god, but they press on, every trying to get to the exit and staying pretty precious while they do it.

Best moment: The satisfaction of either A. succeeding in getting them all to the end or B. pressing the bomb button.

50 Video Game Characters: 47

"The way I see it, we two hombres in a strange town. We need to watch each other's backs"



47. Lance Vance (Grand Theft Auto: Vice City)

Lance Vance is cool. The style, the smooth Philip Michael Thomas voice, the helicopter flying. Vance is the epitome of 80s cool.

A drug dealer who started his business with brother Victor Vance, he survived the botched deal that took his brother's life and decided to enact revenge by teaming up with mobster Tommy Vercetti, who was also at the trade-off.

He ends up befriending Tommy, but once their partnership pays off, Lance begins to become paranoid, believing Tommy will betray him. So he does the only reasonable thing and delivers a painful betrayal first, allying with Tommy's former boss, Sonny Forelli.

Now granted, betrayal is all too common in Rockstar's universe(as in it happens in literally every game), but Lance was the first time you almost did feel betrayed. He was a nice guy looking to make up for losing his brother and in the end he tries to kill you for the money.

Lance is a quintessential drug dealer. Stylish and friendly at first, but in the end reveals his greed and opportunism. Isn't that just like the 80s.

Best moment: The reveal that his last name is Vance and his assertion that he "got enough of that at school."

50 Video Game Characters: 48

48. Evil Otto (Berzerk)

Don't let that happy face fool you, because behind that smile lurks the mind of a vicious murderer.

Take too long in a stage? Otto comes down and will relentlessly chase you until that area is completed. If you saw Otto coming, it was too late. Your shit was already done fucked up. Ruthlessly fucked up.

Hell, in some variations of the game, Otto would move faster than you meaning he became less of an avoidable monster and more like the fucking Terminator. No matter what, he will find you. Did I mention he's also invincible? Because you cannot hurt him. Otto's evil knows no boundaries, even going so far as to destroy his robotic minions to get to you.

Do not bother arming yourself for the oncoming war with the robots, friends. Once Otto arrives, there shall be no point in fighting. We'll have already lost.

Best moment: When you shit your pants as he flies onto screen. It's a good moment for him.

50 Video Game Characters: 49

"I'll give you an accident on purpose!"



49. King Hippo (Punch-Out!!)

Quick: name the most popular character from the Punch-Out series.

Okay, besides Mike Tyson.

N-all right. Besides Mike Tyson and Little Mac.

And Doc Louis.

Bald Bull? Now you guys are just fucking with me.

King Hippo is probably the most recognizable character from Punch-Out who isn't a convicted rapist and that's mostly because of two factors.

The first factor was his weekly appearance on Captain N: the Game Master, a Saturday morning cartoon that was to NBC cartoon programming what The Wizard was to cinema: one giant advertisement for Nintendo and the NES. Along with Kid Icarus' Eggplant Wizard, he served as a flunky for the cartoon's big bad: Mother Brain. Mother Brain in the show is an evil talking tentacled alien monster with a penchant for trash talking and a voice provided by Four Tops member Levi Stubbs. Mother Brain is literally Audrey II.

The second factor is his look. King is frequently shown in his loose boxing shorts, with a protruding gut, significant underbite and a very suspicious bandage over his bellybutton. He also sometimes wears a crown.

Pro tip: Punch him in the bandage to distract him!

Further pro tip: Join the Nintendo Fun Club today!

Best moment: His return in Punch-Out!! Wii, where he learns his lesson. And straps a manhole cover over his gut.

50 Video Game Characters: 50

"How many times have I told you? I am NOT to be used as a projectile!"



50. Bob the Killer Goldfish (Earthworm Jim)

Bob is all about the melodrama. From the start of his levels, Jim must traverse nearly endless hallways, invincibly muscular cats and long stretches of water level bullshit like moving from one area to another in an easily breakable glass...submarine?

Regardless, make it through all that and your reward for a job well done is the boss fight with Bob. After a lengthy introduction where Bob is shown to truly be just an average goldfish(albeit an evil, talking goldfish), Jim simply knocks over Bob's fishbowl, leaving the villain incapacitated and the hero victorious in a matter of seconds. If that fight wasn't embarassing enough, in the sequel, Bob returns to do more evil, only for this boss to end with Jim actually picking up and eating him.

Turns out, being a goldfish? Huge handicap for evildoing.

Best moment: The giant Mortal Kombat-style "FIGHT" intro before the first battle, only for him to be knocked over.

Hi It's Me Again

Let's do another list. Just you and me. Like a family.

So, lemme explain this list for you. This is a list of video game characters and, well...lists of video game characters are somewhat done to death. Deader then death. Done to death than resurrection and death again. It's the Jesus Christ of lists.

So this is list is more or less the underdogs. The overlooked characters, the sidekicks, the underrated villains and, in one case, the indie developed games.

I mean yeah, most, if not all, of these characters are recognizable and some have been on lists in the past. But not for the most part. Sure, you'll see some (very) familiar faces and that's fine.

I feel like I'm rambling and I should stop. SO, let's just do this.