50 Video Game Characters: 24

"It figures the only thing in this damn city NOT on fire is the one thing we need to burn down"



24. Francis (Left 4 Dead)

Let's just get this out of the way right now. Francis doesn't like you. Even if you don't know him, Francis hates you. But it's not your fault, Francis is a hateful man. Throughout the game, as four survivors are finding their way out of Pennsylvania, biker Francis expresses his disdain for everything from cops to airplanes to stairs to Ayn Rand(although he has a point with that one).

A completely brash asshole and a total idiot, Francis asserts his dickish nature the whole time, constantly talking about how much he hates everything, especially all the "goddamned vampires" running around trying to kill him and his teammates. Suffice it to say, Francis' one-liners are a welcome cut to all the tension in Left 4 Dead.

Best moment: After getting on his team's nerves enough with his hatred, he's finally asked what he doesn't hate. His answer?

He doesn't hate vests.

50 Video Game Characters: 25

"Yes, yes the city years, I like to call them. I was a raccoon of action, hm?"



25. Tom Nook (Animal Crossing)

Tom Nook is the eyes and ears of your new town. He's also the fucking pocket.

Nook will bleed you dry at every opportunity. Once you find yourself a house, you have to pay him the mortgage. Once you pay the mortgage, he'll expand your house. When you do that, he'll do it again. And again. Your money is his money and no matter how many times you pay him off, you'll still owe him. If not for the house, then for the fact that his is the only racket in town. Sure, every so often a black market dealer will come around, but Nook will presumably rat him out to the cops so his monopoly stays in the black.

Tortimer may be mayor, but make no mistake: he is merely a puppet figurehead. Tom Nook is in control. Your little town is a Plutocracy, that in which the wealthiest rule. And Tom Nook is the richest little raccoon in the business.

And he owns you.

Best Moment: The fact that you can't refuse your house expanse no matter what. Fucker.

50 Video Game Characters: 26

"I am looking at you look at me...And our eyes meet...And we go even deeper...Into the center of our world...through a weird and wonderful tunnel..."



26. King TV Dinnah (Little King's Story)

Ruler of the Primetime Kingdom, TV Dinnah broadcasts his signal all over the world using his head. Yes, that TV in a suit you're looking at is TV Dinnah. If you think that's weird, you should check out the guy in the egg. Or the king made of junk.

Regardless, TV Dinnah is a man of brains. He challenges King Corobo to a geography quiz. Get where he's hiding and you'll get a chance to attack him via the Western channel(in sepiatone). But get it wrong and you and your team have to deal with a number of other channels that punish you. The Baseball channel will throw balls at you, the Cooking channel will drop giant knives at you, etc.

King TV Dinnah is one of the most bizarre aspects of the already bizarre Little King's Story. A television obsessed king who as hypnotized his subjects into becoming couch potatoes with the giant eye on the television that is his head. Which he broadcasts on a giant television in the middle of the kingdom. Weird guy.

Best moment: The beginning of the fight that turns into an 8-bit title screen of "KING VS KING! FIGHT! PRESS A!" It also has an 8-bit version of Rhapsody in Blue(TV Dinnah's theme).

50 Video Game Characters: 27

"Shake it, baby"



27. Duke Nukem (Duke Nukem)


Duke Nukem is an alpha male. Or at least that's what he wants you to believe. Originally, he was a semi-simpering couch potato with a pink tanktop, a machine gun and a love of Oprah. However, come the third game in the series, Duke was transformed into a shaded, cigar-chomping, macho man spouting stolen one-liners from better heroes.

So yeah, Duke Nukem is a violent sexist asshole. But he's no better than any Tom, Dick or Arnold from the 80s. That's all Duke is. One overblown doofy(doof nufem) action hero parody turned to 11. And it works for him. It's a great evolution for the most American video game character of all time.

Best moment: His promise to a monster that he'll "tear off your head and shit down your neck." Which he proceeds to do after killing him. Complete with newspaper in hand.

50 Video Game Characters: Twahnty-Eight

"WALUIGI. WANT. KATE PLUS ATE."



28. Wah(Wahhhhhh)

WALUIGI NUMBER ONE

Best moment: Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

50 Video Game Characters: 29

"Objection: This unit is not for sale, meatbag"



29. HK-47 (Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic)

BioWare loves going back to wells when it comes to video game characters. Useless mentors, agressive psychotics, honor-bound ass-kickers. All the same archetypes tend to pop up. But no matter how many times they try to recreate the snippy robot sidekick, they will never beat their original: HK-47.

An assassin droid in the same vein as IG-88, HK-47 was built in the style of the classic C-3PO protocol droid model(meaning he has a very human build and also talks like a butler). But here's where it gets wacky!!!!!! See, HK-47 hates organic lifeforms! In actuality, it makes HK as a character even better as his deep disdain wriggles out of his AI with the wryest expressions of sociopathic dialogue.

As you speak more with your robot pal who's fun to be with, you begin to delve deeper into the droid's history, revealing he was built to kill anyone who might distabilize the galaxy and has done jobs between serving "meat bags" masters including acting as a hitman for the Hutt mafia. Also, he's killed every previous owner he's had.

But don't worry. He'll assure you that this time is different.

Best moment: His assertion that he had nothing to do with Bochaba's death. Well...he had very little to do with it, at least.

50 Video Game Characters: 30

"I suppose the doubters think you can paint a picture without soiling your smock..."



30. Sander Cohen (Bioshock)

Poet, composer, sculptor, playwright. Sander Cohen is a jack of all trades. He wears many hats and it just so happens one of those hats happens to be another human head.

Always misunderstood on the surface, Cohen traveled below to Rapture to escape what he called "doubters." In Rapture, he became what some would describe as a "lap dog" for Andrew Ryan, designing propaganda for Ryan when he wasn't creating his own works. Once the Rapture Civil War broke out, Cohen's works obviously went less and less noticed. Between the lack of recognition(which Cohen described as a return of doubters) and his own extensive splicing, Cohen went insane and locked down Fort Frolic, leaving him and his former disciples trapped.

What I love about Sander Cohen is he is the "tortured artist" to the extreme. A lost soul driven mad from poor reviews. And genetic mutation. It's a shame that aren't as many interesting characters in the Bioshock universe.

Best moment: His Audio Diary of a work he calls "The Wild Bunny," a mad diatribe on his curse of entertaining. He begs to take the bunny ears off but he can't.