Cover to Cover Part 3

What makes a cover band? Well, clearly the only requirement is to make a living performing other people's songs. It doesn't matter how they do it, as long as it's someone else's songs. ANYWAYS, I suppose this could be a good time to show you maybe three or four people my favorite cover bands

5. Capitol Offense

Whenever celebrities have bands it usually isn't a good thing. I mean, nobody really wants to see 30 Odd Foot of Grunts even if Russel Crowe is in it. Capitol Offense, however, is actually a pretty well put-together band. Formed by Governor/Colbert Bump recipient Mike Huckabee, who's a damn good bass player, Capitol Offense does covers of classic rock, Motown, country, and blues, shunning newer stuff because it's a bunch of old white Republicans.

Best song: Freebird - Lynyrd Skynyrd (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SkeflmkFCj0)

4. Beatallica

Yeah, that's right. BEATALLICA. A Beatles/Metallica mash-up cover band that combines Metallica's thrash sound and the Beatles music and lyrics. It works pretty well and it's shocking to see how well Beatles songs fit into speed metal with a few minor tweaks to the lyrics.

Quirky songs like "All You Need Is Blood" and "Blackened In USSR" make Beatallica one of the strangest, quirkiest, and most fun cover bands I have ever heard.

Best song: ...And Justice For All My Loving - uh...Beatles, mostly (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BqEJoQ3Z5v4)

3. Me First & The Gimme Gimmes

Essentially a punk supergroup comprised of member of Swingin Utters, NOFX, and Lagwagon, MFTGG (because they have a ridiculous name taken from a children's book) take songs from the 60s and 70s (mostly, with the occasional 80s or early 90s and one old traditional song) and make it faster, louder, and more raucous, i.e. punk it up. Spike Slawson also has one of the most interesting and unique voices in punk, managing to balance the line between wrecked-to-shit and melodic.

Best song: Goodbye, Earl - Dixie Chicks (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iLjNGcd1whQ)

2. Richard Cheese

Mark Davis's insane, pompous, seemingly out-of-touch persona Richard Cheese and his band Lounge Against The Machine serve as some kind of Paul Anka-act, performing popular metal, rap, rock, and pop songs with a Lounge flair. It's almost as if you were in some kind of Vegas show at the Mystique or Magic or some other bullshit name, but only, you know, one from hell.

Best song: Creep - Radiohead (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gUUj4BjY-VM) or Chop Suey! - System of a Down (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jb6W-h5j3jM)

1. Nouvelle Vague

Beautiful melancholic French women perform Bossa Nova versions of New Wave songs. There is no part of that sentence I don't like. There's really not much to say about them other than that description I gave of them, but they're really good.

Best song: Dancing With Myself - Billy Idol (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=76wsCjXg1DM) or Just Can't Get Enough - Depeche Mode (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RkPzfbOjRnk)

Cover to Cover Part 2: #5 - 1

5. You Really Got Me - Van Halen (Originally by The Kinks)

80s metal mainstays Van Halen (David Lee Roth era) kept popping up on everyone else's lists of best cover songs and I kept wondering why. Then I relistened to it and I was like, "oh, right."

Every part of the original song is rollicking, rocking fun and it had to take a party band like Van Halen to get it just as right and fun as the first time. Every part of the band would fit perfectly into the song, from Roth's mugging vocals to Eddie Van Halen's ever-sweer guitar licks and the amazing solo he busts out in the middle.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=30tLuLaZbh4

4. Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley (Originally by Leonard Cohen)

The late Jeff Buckley's sad and hopeless cover leaves me a puddle of depression everytime I listen to it.

The slow, sad guitar makes this song about a loss of faith even more of a loss. It's way better than the original now because the Cohen version makes me think of full-length fucking now. Thanks, Watchmen movie.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nkkW5blfEPk

3. Walk This Way - Run-DMC (Originally by Aerosmith)

This is it. This is the song that combined rap and rock, for better or for worse. A remake and cover all in one, the boys' rhymes are hot and Joe Perry's guitar solo is better than the original.

The video also remains one of the all-time best and I dare you to argue with me. I fucking dare you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o8A0rhVG91U

2. Hurt - Johnny Cash (Originally by Nine Inch Nails)

Do you know how awesome you have to be to make the guy who originally sang the song to say that yours is the best version? Johnny Cash levels of awesome.

This song is so dark and sad and the fact that this was one of Cash's last songs add to the beauty of this song.

The video, mixed with the song, gives more insight into Cash's life than a two hour film about it can.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SmVAWKfJ4Go

1. Proud Mary - Tina Turner (Originally by Creedence Clearwater Revival)

The talent and performance of this cover is fascinating. Turner was able to turn a country-fried rock smash into a even bigger foot-stomping, fast-paced funk-fused R&B masterpiece.

This is everything a cover song should be in my opinion, an ass-kicking good time devoted purely to taking a song and turning into something completely different from its original style.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=54XRNQ2C2x0

Cover to Cover Part 2: #10 - 6

For my sanity and yours, I give my top 10 cover songs

10. Hot In Herre - Jenny Owen Youngs (Originally by Nelly)

This spot is dedicated to the ironic cover which is usually very funny. This was originally going to be Alanis Morissette's cover of the Black Eyed Peas "My Humps" or Ben Folds's soft rocking "Bitches Ain't Shit," then my friend Lauren told me about this song and I fell in love with it.

Nelly's ode to women taking off their clothes becomes twisted into a cute indie folk song about...men taking their clothes off. Nevertheless, it works completely.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kwuIIsDjgZg

9. Rodeohead - Hard 'n Phirm (All songs originally by Radiohead)

Super-nerdy comedy band, Chris Hardwick and Mike Phirman (yep, their real names) usually sing songs about the body's carbon cycle or the number pi. However, this and the track before it "Fitter Clappier" prove they're not only math and science nerds, but music nerds as well. While "Fitter Clappier" is a sketch, "Rodeohead" lives up to its name by being exactly as the name implies. If Thom Yorke and his sullen mates grew up in Alabama and performed state fairs, they would be Rodeohead.

It isn't necessarily an ironic cover (more of a southern-fried tribute) nor is it a full cover (a medley, actually), but it performs the most basic need of a cover song: to make it your own. And they make a rootin-tootin good time of it, too.

Both tracks are so stuffed with Radiohead references that instead of lyrics for either, the liner notes simply read:
"For maximum enjoyment of these tracks, learn too much about Radiohead. Otherwise, gently extend arm forward and bend at elbow, open hand (palm facing down), then cross hand over head to rear of body (whooshing sound optional)."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oyzVXFIbSDM

8. Satisfaction - Devo (Originally by The Rolling Stones)

Twisted art-school graduates with a penchant for matching clothing and performance art style theories of de-evolution decide to cover one of the most beloved rock songs ever. And they make it awesome.

If there was anything Geek-rock progenitors Devo stood for, it was sick perversion of music. Taking the Stones's classic hit and making it a cold, robotic account of sexual frustation transforms it from a hot, bluesy number into an uncomfortably alienating punk song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8I09xjQgMAI

7. Somewhere Over The Rainbow - Israel Kamakawiwo’ole (Originally by Judy Garland)

Who knew that a 750-pound Hawaiian with a ukelele could make song of hope sound even more hopeful? And with such a soft voice, too.

This song, I have no problem admitting, will bring a tear to my eye every time. It's such a sweet soft song performed with nothing but the damn ukelele. And I'm getting choked up just thinking about it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wZFkXQKCuBc

6. Bring The Noise - Anthrax (Originally by Public Enemy)

As mentioned in the description of Duran Duran's cover of "911 Is A Joke," Anthrax are the only people who should be allowed to cover Public Enemy. Why? Because they covered this song WITH PUBLIC ENEMY. Chuck D even forgoes the mic to allow guitarist Scott Ian to drop the second verse with a well-made flow.

Anthrax, a band known for being one of the "big four" thrash bands (the others being Megadeth, Metallica, and Slayer), asked Chuck to collaborate and he "didn't take them wholehearted seriously." However, when they finished the production of the song Chuck took back his comment, saying "it made too much sense."

THAT is why Anthrax can cover Public Enemy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBA-xi8WuCU

Cover to Cover Part 1: #5-1

5. 911 Is A Joke - Duran Duran (Originally by Public Enemy)

Sounding like he's talking through a telephone made out of a drum machine, Simon LeBon and the rest of Duran Duran manage to make PE's funny and great song into a true joke.

Maybe you guys don't know this, but Duran Duran is composed entirely of white Englishmen who were popular for 80s new wave songs (which were awesome). The only people (white or otherwise) who are allowed to cover Public Enemy are metalheads Anthrax who collaborated on a cover of "Bring the Noise" with the actual group.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_k_BgzSDQNk

4. I'm A Believer - Smash Mouth (Originally by Neil Diamond; Made popular by The Monkees)

How terrible do you have to be to make The Monkees sound like the hottest shit? As terrible as Smash Mouth. This is also, oddly enough, reason #4 of why Shrek sucked pretty hard (reason #1 is POP CULTURE LOL done in the worst way).

Just go ahead and make it sound like the two other songs you have, Smash Mouth. No one's going to notice.

OOPS SORRY EVERYONE DID.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B17W_HT3A9E

3. Comfortably Numb - Scissor Sisters (Originally by Pink Floyd)

Another Pink Floyd song, and from the SAME GOD DAMNED ALBUM NO LESS. I had no idea about this song before researching this list and I was "fortunate enough" to stumble upon this garbage. One reviewer put it the best by saying "You have to really hate a song to cover it the way The Scissor Sisters cover 'Comfortably Numb'."

Wretched to anyone who has heard the original song, this song is completely destroyed by turning it into a fucking Bee Gees song. At least the Bee Gees were enjoyable to listen to and DIDN'T MAKE SHITTY COVERS LIKE THIS QUIT SINGING IN FALSETTO AND GET RID OF THAT DISCO BEAT YOU FUCKING IDIOTS.

Maybe it's just that I love the original so much, but I'm fairly certain that nobody could like this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4km-rwgoAdo

2. Faith - Limp Bizkit (Originally by George Michael Bluth)

Hey look, another Limp Bizkit song! Mr. Durst comes to us this time with a wonderful ditty about not straying away from the one you love.

Wait, no, that was the original. Don't know what this one is about because I CAN'T UNDERSTAND THE FUCKING LYRICS YOU SHIT. Durst starts out by half-whining, half-rasping (or as he calls it "singing"), then he goes into the chorus and it turns into the lamest screamo shit. Oh, he's back to "singing" the "song." Maybe he'll get the note for "devotion" next time! Back to screaming! Aaaaaaaand he just shouted "get the fuck off" and it now sounds like Rage Against The Machine. If Rage Against The Machine were made up entirely of retards in backwards baseball caps.

It would be a fine time to mention that Limp Bizkit, after having broken up a while ago, have managed to settle their differences and reunite. I can only hope the Apocalypse arrives sooner than when they finally do get back together.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Ei_FJWHXys

1. American Pie - Madonna (Originally by Don McLean)

A long, long time ago, I can still remember when this song was good. After 18 years of hearing it on repeat, however, it tends to wear thin after the, oh, thousandth listen, maybe. When everyone finally got sick and tired of it, when the whole world finally understood how much Buddy Holly's death meant to McLean, this fucking bitch enters and puts it all back into our conciousness.

With a self-important video, where she shakes her menopausal tits in front of a green screen filled with generic American images like FLAG or TRACTOR or FAMILIES, Madge manages to create four minutes of worthless, misunderstood music for Ford commercials.

I've long wondered what makes a bad cover song. Turns out I've known this whole time. It's all that's been mentioned and more.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OoUiCBMlQho

Cover to Cover Part 1: #10-6

This is going to be a three part thing I'm doing on cover songs.

The first part is the worst cover songs ever. Here we go.

10. Anything by Anyone (Originally by AC/DC)

Shakira, Celine Dion, Phish, none of you are in my good graces. You have each ruined a song by the Australian hard rockers and have managed to suck the fun out of each.

Shakira, you were able to make "Back In Black" sound like your usual shit, complete with your sub-Jewel yodel. Then you turn around and try to make it actually rock and you still fuck it up.

Phish, congratulations on making "Highway to Hell" sound like a Doobie Brothers song. It sounded like you've heard every MOR rock band from the 70s and just threw them all together.

Celine Dion, you are the worst offender of them all. You not only killed "You Shook Me All Night Long," you did it on LIVE NATIONAL TELEVISION. ON VH-FUCKING-1 FOR CHRIST'S SAKE. Your shameful jumping around and air guitaring has almost completely ruined this song.

If there's any important lesson I can give you for reading this blog. Don't cover AC/DC. It's usually never a good thing. There are so many others I could have put with these three.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FONt47Z0KZg

9. My Generation - Hilary Duff (Originally by The Who)

My Generation is one of the most rebellious songs of the baby boomer generation. The ultimate claim of anger towards those who don't understand. The demand, not plea, that they should all fade away and die off. And, of course, the ultimate put-down to adults "I hope I die before I get old."

Then, one of Disney's little whores got her hands on the song and wet it to the point of turning that powerful, rebellious motto into "I hope I DON'T die before I get old."

Marvelous.

http://wbww.youtube.com/watch?v=OPPuwx-fiIo

8. Another Brick In The Wall - Korn (Originally by Pink Floyd)

Yeah, this is actually called "Another Brick In The Wall Pt. 2," music nerds. Don't think Korn necessarily knows this, though.

This is another example of an artist (or band) taking a rebellious song and shitting all over it. In this case, a song about individuality gets covered by a band who once said that "people who don't wear Adidas aren't our fans." The ironing is delicious.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8uCaySTwk1A

7. Big Yellow Taxi - Counting Crows (Originally by Joni Mitchell)

Hey, you know what would be a great improvement to the already ultra-preachy "Big Yellow Taxi"? More preachiness!

Thank god singer/Jewish Sideshow Bob Adam Duritz was able to increase the preachiness. He also wears a fucking stupid Dr. Seuss hat and makes Michelle Branch only sing the "mmm-bop-bop-bop" part.

It's songs like this that make me want to intentionally destroy the environment.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TsPh_8Dxl3E

6. Behind Blue Eyes - Limp Bizkit (Originally by The Who)

This is the first Limp Bizkit song on this list and the second Who cover on this list.

While a song about being hated is quite apropos for Fred Durst, this isn't the best song. It tries to make him seem deeper than he is and it's quite clear he's not.

Plus there's a fucking computer in the middle of the song and the video completely misses the point of the song, as it is entirely about Fred Durst fucking Halle Berry (how the fuck is she in this video).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qrFwtlMd0H8

Because Lauren and Amanda did this

In no particular order, these are the five people I pretty much worship

Elvis Costello

Born Declan Patrick McManus, a dorky former systems analyst proved himself to be one of the smartest, wittiest, and angriest musicians ever. Some of his best songs include "Oliver's Army," "Alison," "Accidents Will Happen," "I Want You," and about twelve more. I once had an hour-long AIM conversation describing how Elvis Costello is not actually a human being and was the inspiration of "Watchmen" character Dr. Manhattan.

Billy West

One of the greatest voice actors of our generation, West is able to play hundreds of different characters. His characters include:

• Fry, Professor Farnsworth, Dr. Zoidberg, Zapp Brannigan, Richard Nixon (Futurama)



• The Red M&M



• Ren AND Stimpy



• Bugs Bunny



• Doug Funnie and Roger

Joel and Ethan Coen

While Joel directs and Ethan produces, the brothers actually share a brain more or less, working together on every aspect of their films. They write together, they direct together, they even edit together under the name "Roderick Jaynes." They have made some of my favorite movies including "O Brother, Where Art Thou" and "Fargo"

Jason Segel

Segel is one of the stars of one of my current favorite TV shows "How I Met Your Mother," one of the stars of TWO of my favorite TV shows of all time "Freaks and Geeks" and "Undeclared" and wrote and starred in one of my favorite movies of last year "Forgetting Sarah Marshall." You know that scene in the movie where he makes the Dracula puppet musical? He ACTUALLY WANTED TO DO THAT. Fucking awesome. He's also making the Muppets awesome again as he's writing and starring in a new Muppet movie. I honestly can't think of any person who I'd want to do it more than a man who's Muppet fanaticism is as big as mine.

He's 800 feet tall and every inch of him is hilarious.

Roy motherfucking Orbison

Remember how every song from the 50s was pretty sugary happy? Roy Orbison didn't do that. He wore all that black for a reason and had a reason to be sad. Two of his kids died. His first wife died in a car crash, then after he re-married, his second wife got sick and also died.

He's sung heartbreaking songs like "In The Real World," "Only The Lonely," and "Crying." Most people know him, though, for "Pretty Woman," which is fine because it's a great song.

He was a member of the Traveling Wilburys, a rock supergroup which was made up of him, Jeff Lynne, Tom Petty, Bob Dylan and George Harrison.

He died in 1988, but he's too cool to actually die, so I'm going to guess he's living in a hyperbaric chamber or something.

Hello, loneliness

I have a recurring dream I'd like to share with you. I'm sitting on a dock watching the sun go down and there's a girl next to me. She has no distinguishing charactersistics and her face is obscured. I feel happy the whole time and things seem right.

Last night, though, the girl wasn't there. The dock was still there, as were both the sun and myself, but no girl. And everything felt right. Peaceful, maybe even happier than the previous incarnation of my dream.

Does it mean I'm coming to terms with my lack of relationship experience? Is my mind just trying to make me feel better about the occasionally crushing loneliness of my life? Am I going crazy?

Things are rough right now and everything's weird, I guess.

Cut It Out

Okay I seriously need to stop with the robot poems. Pretty sure they weren't entertaining or considered creative to anyone but myself.

The only problem now is that I'm sort of at a loss of what to write about.

If someone maybe possibly has an idea of what to write about, it would be greatly appreciated.

Still can't believe this was Vin Deisel

Galactic monster befriends a young boy

Sent to our planet for one reason: Destroy

Feeding on scraps of metal and junk

Every footstep he makes gives a giant "clunk"

He's not a weapon and he's not a gun

Weighs far more than a gross metric ton

Heartbreaking hero's change of plan

Saved our planet with one word: "Superman"

Peripheral Poem

Small claws, big grip
Holds tight, won't slip

Takes his time, his own pace

Slow and steady wins the race

Play Stack-Up or Gyromite

Eyes that can glow red at night

A very good friend to Famicom

R.O.B. not Pete or Bill or Tom

I may be paranoid but not an android

Plodding gait, low slung stoop
Depression in an infinite loop
Eyes pointed down, always so sad
Little guy, it can't be that bad

Traveling through space with an ape and his friends
Carrying towels, the adventure never ends
Robotic, so it's clear you can't feel pain
Even with that planetary-sized brain

In memoriam for the most part

Okay so blogger has a grudge against Livejournal because even in xml format I can't seem to import the fucking posts. So instead of forcing you to wade through the good (new) stuff and the bad (old when I didn't know what the fuck I was doing), I'm just going to give you guys the best of The Official T-Pain Fanblog (he gon buy u a drank).

I love Christmas like a fat kid loves cake: http://tmbg13.livejournal.com/tag/christmas

I draw a whole lot (include Holly Jolly Listmas drawings): http://tmbg13.livejournal.com/tag/drawings

I listened to a bunch of creepy love songs and wanted to vomit: http://tmbg13.livejournal.com/tag/creepy

I listened to a bunch of sad songs and wanted to crawl into a hole for the most part: http://tmbg13.livejournal.com/tag/sad

Talking about my least favorite subject: http://tmbg13.livejournal.com/tag/me

My second least favorite subject: http://tmbg13.livejournal.com/tag/meme

I can express more emotion for fictional robots than I can for a pretty girl what is wrong with me god dammit (I will be continuing this for blogger): http://tmbg13.livejournal.com/tag/robots

Hello Werld!

Why am I-

What am I doing on blogger.

I had a perfectly fine blog on Livejournal. Am I really trying to reach out to a more expansive audience? Barely anybody read my old blog, do I think I'm going to get more people to read my shit?

No one cares. Go. Leave. Stop typing, you idiot.

fffffffff looks like I'm starting anew. I'll start importing my old LJ stuff, I guess.