Cover to Cover Part 1: #5-1

5. 911 Is A Joke - Duran Duran (Originally by Public Enemy)

Sounding like he's talking through a telephone made out of a drum machine, Simon LeBon and the rest of Duran Duran manage to make PE's funny and great song into a true joke.

Maybe you guys don't know this, but Duran Duran is composed entirely of white Englishmen who were popular for 80s new wave songs (which were awesome). The only people (white or otherwise) who are allowed to cover Public Enemy are metalheads Anthrax who collaborated on a cover of "Bring the Noise" with the actual group.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_k_BgzSDQNk

4. I'm A Believer - Smash Mouth (Originally by Neil Diamond; Made popular by The Monkees)

How terrible do you have to be to make The Monkees sound like the hottest shit? As terrible as Smash Mouth. This is also, oddly enough, reason #4 of why Shrek sucked pretty hard (reason #1 is POP CULTURE LOL done in the worst way).

Just go ahead and make it sound like the two other songs you have, Smash Mouth. No one's going to notice.

OOPS SORRY EVERYONE DID.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B17W_HT3A9E

3. Comfortably Numb - Scissor Sisters (Originally by Pink Floyd)

Another Pink Floyd song, and from the SAME GOD DAMNED ALBUM NO LESS. I had no idea about this song before researching this list and I was "fortunate enough" to stumble upon this garbage. One reviewer put it the best by saying "You have to really hate a song to cover it the way The Scissor Sisters cover 'Comfortably Numb'."

Wretched to anyone who has heard the original song, this song is completely destroyed by turning it into a fucking Bee Gees song. At least the Bee Gees were enjoyable to listen to and DIDN'T MAKE SHITTY COVERS LIKE THIS QUIT SINGING IN FALSETTO AND GET RID OF THAT DISCO BEAT YOU FUCKING IDIOTS.

Maybe it's just that I love the original so much, but I'm fairly certain that nobody could like this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4km-rwgoAdo

2. Faith - Limp Bizkit (Originally by George Michael Bluth)

Hey look, another Limp Bizkit song! Mr. Durst comes to us this time with a wonderful ditty about not straying away from the one you love.

Wait, no, that was the original. Don't know what this one is about because I CAN'T UNDERSTAND THE FUCKING LYRICS YOU SHIT. Durst starts out by half-whining, half-rasping (or as he calls it "singing"), then he goes into the chorus and it turns into the lamest screamo shit. Oh, he's back to "singing" the "song." Maybe he'll get the note for "devotion" next time! Back to screaming! Aaaaaaaand he just shouted "get the fuck off" and it now sounds like Rage Against The Machine. If Rage Against The Machine were made up entirely of retards in backwards baseball caps.

It would be a fine time to mention that Limp Bizkit, after having broken up a while ago, have managed to settle their differences and reunite. I can only hope the Apocalypse arrives sooner than when they finally do get back together.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Ei_FJWHXys

1. American Pie - Madonna (Originally by Don McLean)

A long, long time ago, I can still remember when this song was good. After 18 years of hearing it on repeat, however, it tends to wear thin after the, oh, thousandth listen, maybe. When everyone finally got sick and tired of it, when the whole world finally understood how much Buddy Holly's death meant to McLean, this fucking bitch enters and puts it all back into our conciousness.

With a self-important video, where she shakes her menopausal tits in front of a green screen filled with generic American images like FLAG or TRACTOR or FAMILIES, Madge manages to create four minutes of worthless, misunderstood music for Ford commercials.

I've long wondered what makes a bad cover song. Turns out I've known this whole time. It's all that's been mentioned and more.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OoUiCBMlQho