100 Greatest Movie Characters: 75

"I'll find him for three. I'll catch him and kill him, for ten…"

75. Quint
Jaws

A local shark hunter, Quint joins Icthiologist Matt Hooper and Amity Police Chief Martin Brody in trailing and killing a shark running amok in the water surrounding peaceful Amity Island (you know that any place that is described as "peaceful" in a film is going to get fucked up).

Being a salty sea dog, Quint could have easily have gone the way of other crusty film sailors before him and stayed a one-note stereotype, but Robert Shaw's performance gives him such great depth. A life of dealing with some of the most dangerous creatures in the ocean has left him obviously scarred, hiding his constantly foreboding fear with a proud display of insane overconfidence.

Many of his best scenes, from the one with his scars to his story about being onboard the USS Indianapolis reveal a frail man with more layers than he would like to let on. Quint, no matter how much of a badass he would like to come off as, is nothing more than what he doesn't want to be: vulnerable. He is no more than a human like the rest of us.

Defining moment: Brace yourself as I post the entire Indianapolis story, one of my favorite scenes in any movie. Have fun with this huge ass block of text, everyone. I hope you can feel the gravity that Quint gives it.

Japanese submarine slammed two torpedoes into our side, Chief. We was comin' back from the island of Tinian to Leyte. We'd just delivered the bomb. The Hiroshima bomb. Eleven hundred men went into the water. Vessel went down in 12 minutes. Didn't see the first shark for about a half-hour. Tiger. 13-footer. You know how you know that in the water, Chief? You can tell by lookin' from the dorsal to the tail. What we didn't know, was that our bomb mission was so secret, no distress signal had been sent. They didn't even list us overdue for a week. Very first light, Chief, sharks come cruisin', so we formed ourselves into tight groups. It was sorta like you see in the calendars, you know the infantry squares in the old calendars like the Battle of Waterloo and the idea was the shark come to the nearest man, that man he starts poundin' and hollerin' and sometimes that shark he go away... but sometimes he wouldn't go away. Sometimes that shark looks right into ya. Right into your eyes. And the thing about a shark is he's got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll's eyes. When he comes at ya, he doesn't even seem to be livin'... until he bites ya, and those black eyes roll over white and then... ah then you hear that terrible high-pitched screamin'. The ocean turns red, and despite all your poundin' and your hollerin' those sharks come in and... they rip you to pieces. You know by the end of that first dawn, lost a hundred men. I don't know how many sharks, maybe a thousand. I do know how many men, they averaged six an hour. Thursday mornin', Chief, I bumped into a friend of mine, Herbie Robinson from Cleveland. Baseball player. Boatswain's mate. I thought he was asleep. I reached over to wake him up. He bobbed up, down in the water, he was like a kinda top. Upended. Well, he'd been bitten in half below the waist. At noon on the fifth day, a Lockheed Ventura swung in low and he spotted us, a young pilot, lot younger than Mr. Hooper here, anyway he spotted us and a few hours later a big ol' fat PBY come down and started to pick us up. You know that was the time I was most frightened. Waitin' for my turn. I'll never put on a lifejacket again. So, eleven hundred men went into the water. 316 men come out, the sharks took the rest, June the 29th, 1945. Anyway, we delivered the bomb.

100 Greatest Movie Characters: 76

"/growl"

76. Chewbacca
Star Wars

Part 3 in a series of Star Wars characters.

What would happen if you combined the strength of a gorilla with the loyalty of a dog and then made that creature twice as hairy as either of them and slap a fucking bandolier across his chest? Well, you'd probably get Chewbacca, Han Solo's right hand man. I mean, Wookiee.

Chewie is the perfect sidekick (and probably the only one on this list), not only is he loyal and strong as previously mentioned, but he's also pretty smart. Despite just being a tall man in a yak hair costume, the big guy is able to show emotion and follow plans really well. plus he can fly a god damn spaceship how awesome is that.

I think it's a boy thing that I love Chewbacca so much. Most boys want a sidekick, preferrably a dog and ESPECIALLY a cartoon dog. He's better than Scooby-Doo who just talks and solves mysteries, he's better than Dynomutt who is a fucking TALKING ROBOT DOG WITH A SWISS ARMY KNIFE OF SHIT INSIDE HIM, he's the ultimate dog sidekick. He's a giant friendly canine-like alien who can fly you through space and take you anywhere in the universe. Just don't let him lose in a game of space chess.

He easily could have been higher on this list, but I deducted points because it was his family that was the focus of the popular bomb known as the Star Wars Christmas Special. Bad boy, bad.

Defining moment: His triumphant growl at the end of the first film. He may not get a medal, but at least he gets the last line.

100 Greatest Movie Characters: 77

"Ilsa, I'm no good at being noble, but it doesn't take much to see that the problems of three little people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. Someday you'll understand that. Here's looking at you, kid."

77. Rick Blaine
Casablanca

The original jaded romantic, Rick owns a bar in Nazi-(and Frenchman?)occupied Egypt where he serves everyone from thieves to refugees to Nazi officials and Vichy French. Bitter from losing loves, Rick is a perfect example of classic Hollywood cynicism.

Of course it would be a boring movie if he just remained like this the whole time, so who arrives at Rick's place but the cause for his cynicism, Ilsa. Along with her husband. They're on the run from the Nazis and need papers to flee to America. Rick has said papers. You can see where the trouble would come from.

Not only torn between the love of his life and her safety, but also dealing with his love falling for him again, Rick has no choice but to do what's right for their protection. Humphrey Bogart was always great playing an amazing straight-faced bastard and this is the single best from him. A tough, sarcastic, love-lorn romantic.

Defining moment: His impassioned speech to Ilsa at the end of the film to get on the plane no matter how much she still loves him. Gets me every time.

100 Greatest Movie Characters: 78

"Just because I cannot see it doesn't mean I can't believe it!"

78. Jack Skellington
The Nightmare Before Christmas

If there's anything I hate on this planet, it might be Hot Topic co-opting Tim Burton's work. Selling $18 Beetlejuice t-shirts completely misses the point of the man's works. The majority of his fantasy works reflect an innocence in unnatural places or other beautiful, interesting aspects such as that. It's not meant to be entirely dark and spooky just so you can enjoy it you stupid fucking fake cynical asshole teenager.

One of the best things Tim Burton does is putting strange characters out of their comfort zones. Sometimes they fear where they are out of place, like the newly deceased yuppies of "Beetlejuice". Sometimes they are absolutely fascinated by their surroundings, like Jack Skellington.

The avatar of Halloween Town (and thusly, of Halloween) feels something missing in his life as all that ever happens in Halloween Town is preparation until next Halloween's big celebration. Going for an oddly long walk, Jack eventually finds himself in a huge clearing in the forest containing portals to other holidays. Opening the door shaped like a pine tree, Jack is taken to Christmas Town and just LOSES HIS SHIT OVER IT. He sings about how all of this is so new to him and amazing. And that's what I'm talking about when I say innocence. Jack lived in a world where people scare for fun, so when he's brought to Candyland he's walks around with wide-eyed, (well, wide-eye-socketed) childlike wonder.

His eventual decision to make a Halloweeny Christmas, however, proves that he's still a little green towards it all, no matter how much he understands Christmas Town more than the other monsters. His fallacy in this once again proves what I love about the character of Jack Skellington, the willingness to try something new, all the while being amazed by it.

Don't let you local goths dissuade you, "The Nightmare Before Christmas" is a fucking awesome movie.

Defining moment: When he loses his shit in Christmas Town. Seriously, watch how enamored he is with this place.

100 Greatest Movie Characters : 79

"That bass player's a babe. She makes me feel kinda funny, like when we used to climb the rope in gym class"

79. Garth Algar
Wayne's World

Wayne Campbell loves partying and rocking. Garth Algar loves partying and rocking. They have a cable-access show in Aurora, Illinois about partying and rocking (and babes). They're both morons but Wayne is slightly less of a moron. This is all you need to know about the "Wayne's World" sketches from SNL. It's really all you need to know about the "Wayne's World" movies, too.

Sure, Garth may seem like an idiot, but at his core he's more of a savant. He's an inventor, a thinker, a wordsmith, he even unwittingly figures out Benjamin's evil plan in the first film. So what if he has the (more than) occasional panic attack which gives him a desire to hurl. Or if he's (more than) slightly a little mad. He still might be a genius in disguise. Shyeah, and monkeys might fly out of my butt.

Defining moment: Either his overtly complex plan to broadcast to record exec Frankie Sharp (posted below due to RIDICULOUS LENGTH) or his continuous lip-synching to "Bohemian Rhapsody" even after he forgets the lyrics.


GARTH'S MONOLOGUE:
Okay... First I'll access the secret military spy satelite that is in geosynchronous orbit over the midwest. Then I'll ID the limo by the vanity plate "MR. BIGGG" and get his approximate position. Then I'll reposition the transmission dish on the remote truck to 17.32 degrees east, hit WESTAR-4 over the Atlantic, bounce the signal down into the Azores, up to COMSAT-6, beam it back to SATCOM-3 transponder number 137 and down on the dish on the back of Mr. Big's limo. It's almost too easy.

100 Greatest Movie Characters:80

"I'll get you, my pretty! And your little dog, too"

80. Wicked Witch of the West
Wizard of Oz

Maybe the first villain most children are ever introduced to, the Wicked Witch of the West seeks revenge on Dorothy Gale because of the unfortunate accident involving her house landing on the witch's sister. Being that good almost always triumphs over evil, the witch meets her demise when she is defeated by her one weakness: water.

Water? Seriously? Looking back on it, the Wicked Witch is an incredibly powerful creature and she'll die if it rains. If there are water particles in the air, would little pieces of her just melt away or would it all melt? This is the equivalent of the Green Lantern having an all-powerful magic space ring and his one weakness is the concept of the color yellow. Throw a Simpsons poster at him and he's down.

After scaring the shit of us when we were younger, Margaret Hamilton's Wicked Witch becomes more of an interesting character when you realize she's done nothing wrong. Even before "Wicked" came out, the Wicked Witch could still be seen as a sympathetic character. She only wanted revenge, something many of us want from time to time. Sure, we may not know what she did before Dorothy arrived, but from our perspective, she should be compeltely innocent. A girl came out of the sky, murdered her sister and even stole her sister's coveted ruby slippers, which makes her a murderer and a thief.

The Wicked Witch may seem evil at first, but she may be entirely innocent in her actions. Doesn't excuse those fucking freaky winged monkeys, though. Yeesh.

Defining moment: the fucking stupid death caused by fucking water. "what a world, what a world, i have a shitty weakness. even if a dog pisses on my leg, i'm doomed"

100 Greatest Movie Characters: 81

"Be good"

81. E.T.
E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial

For like the first 60/70 years of film, aliens were either fearsome beasts or awe-inspiring geniuses. Steven Spielberg changed that.

A long-necked reptilian alien with a simple brain and glowy finger and a penchant for Reeses Pieces, E.T. doesn't really seem like he would become a popular character. Or the star of one of the most successful movies ever. But, despite what Hollywood tries to tell us, looks aren't always everything. Sometimes it just takes a beautiful classic boy-meets-alien story, some ridiculous product placement, and a sweet little butt-ugly alien.

"E.T." is such a sweet movie

Defining moment: A near-death E.T. comes back to life. His pale skin illuminated only by his bright, glowing heart. /cries

100 Greatest Movie Characters: 82

"I haven't got time for this Mickey Mouse BULLSHIT!"

82. Agent Norman Stansfield
Léon

A corrupt cop if there ever was one, Stansfield is a DEA agent who puts young Mathilda's entire family on the wrong end of a gun. The unnaturally calm girl simply goes next door and begins living with unexpected "cleaner" Léon. The young girl obviously being a pain in his side, Stansfield does everything in his power to get her out of the hands of the hitman and into a grave.

Gary Oldman is an great actor. He is amazing to the point that he's one of the few saving graces of the new Batman movies. He's great in "Sid and Nancy," in "JFK," in "Dracula," and he's absolutely excellent in "Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead" as Rosencrantz (or is it Guildenstern). This, however, is without a doubt my favorite movie of his. The eerie force surrounding him the whole time is astounding,

Defining moment: When Mathilda confronts him in a public restroom, Stansfield gives her this FUCKING DEATH LOOK that is amazing. She plans on killing him, he plans on killing her, there is a deep tension that is only made deeper by Stansfield's general eye-fuckery.

100 Greatest Movie Characters: 83

"I'm Luke Skywalker. I'm here to rescue you!"

83. Luke Skywalker
Star Wars

Part 2 in a series of Star Wars characters

Luke Skywalker is a whiny, dumb teenager with stupid feathered hair.

BUUUUTTTTT he is the savior of the galaxy and eventually grows under the mastery of Obi-Wan Kenobi and Yoda.

Nevertheless, he's still has stupid feathered hair, so who really gives a shit about galactic heroes or whatever.

Defining moment: The torment when he realizes that Darth Vader is his father. Really well acted from the kid with Farrah Fawcett hair.

100 Greatest Movie Characters: 84

"Fiery the angels fell; deep thunder rolled around their shores; burning with the fires of Orc."

84. Roy Batty
Blade Runner

In the future (2019), replicants - visually indistinguishable from humans - are used for menial slave work and dangerous labor. Following a replicant uprising, Earth deems them illegal and specialist police called "blade runners" are trained to hunt down and exterminate (sorry, "retire") any escaped replicants. That's where Roy comes in.

The leader of the recently-escaped Nexus-6 replicants, Batty is a replicant with an A Physical Level (superhuman strength and endurance, and incredible speed) and an A Mental Level (a genius level intellect). Despite his incredible physical and mental abilites, Batty is still nothing more than a machine, being alive for only four years and learning to deal with developing emotions.

The man chasing him, semi-retired blade runner Rick Deckard, has retired many of his friends and followers. Deteriorating fast, Batty soon realizes that fleeing from retirement is usless, but still gives chase. Ultimately saving Deckard from a fall to his death, Batty proves he has finally developed empathy for humans and accepts his fate and passes away.

Roy Batty illustrates his creators' - the Tyrell Corporation- motto "More human than human" (later used for the best White Zombie song) and illustrates more humanity than the man who seeks to kill him.

Defining moment: His amazing final words: "I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time... like tears in rain. Time... to die."

100 Greatest Movie Characters: 85

"All I have in this world is my balls and my word. And I break them for no-one"

85. Tony Montana
Scarface

Much like "The Matrix," I never really got into "Scarface." It's not that I hate it, I just never found it all that interesting. The only thing I did find interesting was Al Pacino. This is because Al Pacino.

Tony Montana is a tragic hero, like the ones of old in Greece. He is Oedipus (minus the whole desire to bone his mom, although he does want his sister). Starting off with humble beginnings (born in Cuba), Tony emigrates to America and eventually lives the American Dream by building a cocaine empire and saying the word "Fuck" a lot. Like, "a lot" a lot. Like, "Jason Bourne beating people up" a lot. His dream is cut short when goons gun him down in his giant palatial mansion.

In full overacting mode (and in full shitty accent mode), Al Pacino rocks the role in only the outlandishly fucking ridiculous way he can.

Defining moment: Jesus, fuck. His death. I mean, what else is there?

100 Greatest Movie Characters: 86

"One in every three black males is in some phase of the correctional system. Is that a coincidence or do these people have, you know, like a racial commitment to crime?"

86. Derek Vinyard
American History X

It's really hard to find Edward Norton scary or threatening. It might just be because I like him as an actor and he seems like a cool guy, but it's probably because he usually looks like this:

you looking into the face of fear itself

In "American History X," though, he is fucking frightening. After his father is murdered by a black drug dealer, Derek transfers his anger and desire for vengance into acts of white supremacy. Derek is eventually sentenced to prison for voluntary manslaughter and is distanced from the prison's Aryan gang when he is kicked out (and beaten and raped) for voicing his opinions on the gang's dealings with a Mexican gang.

Derek is not only a portrait of the horrors of racism and hatred, but one of redemption as well. While in prison, he slowly befriends a black man named Lamont and a prison psychologist shows him how racism is useless. When he gets out of prison, he is a changed man and the only friend he made while there was Lamont. He even tries to steer his younger brother Danny away from emulating his old ways.

Defining moment: An unfortunate black man meets his end by way of his mouth on a curb and Derek's boot to his head. The curb-stomping scene of this movie is one of the most unnerving things in a movie.

100 Greatest Movie Characters: 87

"Can I get any of you cunts a drink?"

87. Ed
Shaun of the Dead

I've already wrote a good amount about Ed previously in this blog and it said pretty much everything needed to be said. So here it is again:

Ed is a crass human being. He is a rude, obnoxnious, lazy, foul-mouthed prick who barely takes a real zombie invasion seriously. But he is one of the most loyal friends you could ever have.

Ed is easily the best character in "Shaun of the Dead," which is why its genuinely sad to see him go. As one of the last three survivors of the Winchester invasion, Ed aids in fighting off zombies until he gets bitten himself.

Favoring to kill a few more zombies than to commit suicide with his last few shotgun shells, Ed used the corpse of a rather large undead bloke to shield himself from the zombies until he passed away peacefully. Shaun eventually found him and, as he couldn't bring himself to kill his old friend, lured him to the shed where is chained up, playing video games, just like old times.

Defining moment: His touching (seemingly) final goodbye to Shaun. Lovingly undercut by a fart joke.

100 Greatest Movie Characters: 88

"Do you even know why you're supposed to kill me? Look at us. Look at what they make you give."

88. Jason Bourne
The Bourne Identity

To quote (or attempt to quote from my memory, at least) Paul Rudd in "The 40-Year-Old Virgin": "Y'know, I always thought that Matt Damon was a bit of a cake eater, but he kicks ass in this." As an amnesia-induced superspy, Matt Damon does indeed kick ass. A lot of it. In creative ways and with shaky cameras.

Matt Damon cannot remember anything. He doesn't know his name, he doesn't know why he can speak several languages, he doesn't even know why he was found floating in the Mediterranean with two gunshot wounds in his back (that should be priority number one for anybody who has that happen to them). He eventually checks out a safe deposit box in a bank (the number was embedded in his hip for whatever reason). He finds several passports (all with his face and under different aliases), a large amount of varying currencies, and a GUN. He ends up using the name on the first passport: Jason Bourne.

Then, over a course of three films, he tries to figure out who he really is while escaping from his former employers. He also tries to punch EVERY HUMAN BEING IN THE FACE. Hyperbole, of course but, yeesh, that man cannot stop beating people up. Jason Bourne has a grudge and damn it, everyone needs know.

And if they don't believe him, he'll punch them. A lot.

Defining moment: Obviously a scene where he beats up a guy, but Bourne can take beating up to a much higher (and more emasculating) level. In "The Bourne Supremacy," Jason Bourne manages to beat a man into submission with a ROLLED UP MAGAZINE. The only way it would have been more embarassing for the guy getting beat up is if the magazine was "Cat Fancy."

100 Greatest Movie Characters: 89

"Will somebody get this big walking carpet out of my way?"

89. Princess Leia Organa
Star Wars
Part 1 in a series of Star Wars characters

Like most damsels in distress, Leia is a simpering, nearly useless wuss who's only along for the ride so she can get back home. Oh, wait. Nevermind. Leia is actually as gutsy and badass as her future love interest, Han Solo.

Oh, and did I mention that she's handy with a blaster? Because she's a better marksman than her brother and probably her mom, too. Leia looks at other captured princesses and spits at their feet (I'm looking at you, Princess Peach). Then she'll punch them in the face. All the while never messing up a strand of her infamous hairstyle.

Defining moment: Choking Jabba the Hutt to death with her own slave chains in "Return of the Jedi." Also, for simultaneously giving a whole generation of nerds their first boners.

100 Greatest Movie Characters: 90

"Whoa"

90. Neo
The Matrix

"The Matrix" is a bevy of pseudo-philosophical bullshit that nobody should care about and most people seem to treat as really fucking deep or whatever. Nevertheless, this (the first one, at least) is still a classic movie because of good special effects and well-made action sequences.

While we're talking about shitty things, everyone gives shit to Keanu Reeves because he can't act. Well, he can't (he once performed a Shakespearen play and added more swordfights). He can't emote and he overacts almost as much as Nicolas Cage. But if the world needs saving, he's always on hand. And he'll almost always look cool doing it, so whatever.

Defining moment: Stopping bullets with his hand and making anyone watching for the first time go "holy shit."

100 Greatest Movie Characters: 91

"I could be wrong, but I believe diversity is an old, old wooden ship that was used during the Civil War era."

91. Ron Burgundy
Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy

Anchormen seem think very highly of themselves. Their self-inflated egos are fueled by the love of their own voice and preoccupation with their physical image. All they do is read the news, but they always believe that they themselves are then newmakers because they report it. There was honestly no better near-untapped comedy well than the local anchorman.

Enter Ron Burgundy. Will Ferrell's pompus, sexist, faux-know-it-all (see above quote) newsman brought his misguided charisma to a changing world commonly known as the '70s. Attempting to sabotage, then romance, female newscaster Veronica Corningstone, Ron is a perfect example of a completely clueless boob.

Classy as all get out (he has many leather-bound books and his apartment smells of rich mahogany) with his clean red suit and awesome moustache, Ron is set for any situation, including saving someone from a bear, engaging into a hardcore news gang-fight, or leading a majestic four-part harmony. Ron is a suave hombre. At least in his mind.

Defining moment: His meltdown in a phone booth after his beloved best friend and pet Baxter is punted over a bridge. He is in a glass case of emotion and, damn it, he wants people to know.

100 Greatest Movie Characters: 92

"I'd like to ASS you a few questions"

92. Ace Ventura
Ace Ventura: Pet Detective
There is no doubt that Jim Carrey was and forever will be the greatest rubber-faced comedic actor of all time, no matter how many mediocre dramas and TRUMAN SHOW AND ETERNAL SUNSHINE AMAZINGNESS he does. To us, he is The Mask. He is Lloyd Christmas. But specifically, he is Ace Ventura: Pet Detective.

A maniacal idiot savant of a detective, Ace quit an opportunity to become a police detective to do what he loves: take freelance pet-related cases. This enables him to answer to no boss, wear his trademark outlandishly loud clothing, and generally act like a moron while pretending he talks out of his ass.

Granted, Carrey is an excellent dramatic actor (see: The Truman Show, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind), but, honestly, he was in his prime with the first Ace movie.

Defining moment: that there one scene where he talk outta his butt. Actually, it would have to be when he's in the penthouse of the Miami Dolphins coach with all the other cops and points out everything they've been doing wrong.

100 Greatest Movie Characters: 93

"Great Scott!"

93. Doctor Emmett Brown
Back to the Future

Don't let the mad scientist look fool you, Doc Brown is anything but mad. Eccentric? Yes, very much so. A genius? Absolutely. Doc Brown is more friendly than mad.

We first meet Brown (and his beloved dog, Einstein) introducing Marty McFly to his greatest invention yet: a time machine. Made of a DeLorean. With something called a "flux capacitor." Sure, at first the idea seems insane, but when that car hit 88 mph, we saw some serious shit. Almost immediately, we take a liking to Doc. Then we are treated to Brown getting killed by Libyans about 10 minutes into the film. Four or five minutes into meeting the man and we are sad to see him go. Of course, he appears a little while later in the '50s (thank god) to help Marty get back. TO THE FUTURE.

Christopher Lloyd's portrayal of Doc Brown is a manic debunking of mad scientist stereotypes, which is better than Lloyd's previous popular role of WACKY STONER on the show "Taxi." There is more to an eccentric than the inner machinations of his brain and Doc proves that by giving what could easily have been a one-dimensional crazy inventor a heart and a soul.

Defining moment: The moment when, in beginning of the first film, Doc sees the DeLorean successfully head back (TO THE FUTURE) for the first time. Doc has a complete spazz attack, proclaiming "What did I tell you? 1.21 gigawatts!" to, more or less, nobody.

100 Greatest Movie Characters: 94

"I don't give a fuck about your war - or your President"

94. Snake Plissken
Escape From New York

In a post-apocalyptic future (1997), crime runs rampant. To combat this, all prisoners are sent a maximum security prison that was once Manhattan. When the President's airplane crashes over it, he is captured by inmates. Former World War III Army Lieutenant Snake Plissken is given 24 hours to find him. If he does, he will be granted a full pardon from his life sentence.

Snake Plissken is what it would be like if scientists bred the ultimate movie badass: Clint Eastwood's raspy voice, Lee Marvin's nasty-ass attitude, Kurt Russell's charisma. Snake don't give a shit what you think of him because he will destroy you where you stand. Look at the picture above. Even his action figure is ripped and hardcore.

Not only is Snake a tough-as-nails badass, he influences other badasses, as well. If you're familiar with the Metal Gear Solid series, you might know that the protagonist is also known as Snake. In MGS2, Snake uses the alias of Iriquois Plissken and throughout the game is only referred to as "Snake" or "Plissken." Oh, also there's the whole Big Boss/MGS4-version Snake eyepatch thing.


Defining moment: He has a shit-eating smirk at the end of "Escape From New York" that is like the epitome of "I am better than you in every way." Bad. Ass.

100 Greatest Movie Characters: 95

"Welcome to Wonderland, Alice!"

ahahahaha are you posing for your fucking high school photo, freddy?
95. Freddy Krueger
A Nightmare on Elm Street

When you talk about Freddy Krueger, you have to consider two different Freddys. On the one hand, you have the monster who haunts children's dreams. Bedecked in a fedora and a fucking ugly cardigan sweater, Freddy, backed with a nursery rhyme by scary children, rips teens open with his claw-covered glove and shape-shifting powers. Freddy is seriously one scary motherfucker and is able to attack you when you are most vulnerable.

On the other hand, however, there is the pun-loving vaudevillain (PORTMANTEAUS) whose claws are as sharp as his wit (okay, maybe not). Obviously, the actual monster Freddy is more frightening, but c'mon, jokey Freddy is pretty great too, you guys. And he can still kill you in your dreams.

Defining moment: Dragging an increasingly bloody Tina up a wall and onto the ceiling. And the only thing she can do is scream.

100 Greatest Movie Characters: 96

"Would you fuck me? I'd fuck me. I'd fuck me hard."

96. "Buffalo Bill" Jame Gumb
Silence of the Lambs

The mind of a killer is mysterious. What drives them to feel the need to commit an atrocity like murder? Sometimes the less we know, the more scary someone can be. Such is the case with Jame Gumb, a serial murderer who murders and skins overweight women to make a skin suit, as he's too disturbed to get a sex change.

The only information behind Bill's psyche comes from noted psychologist/cannibal Dr. Hannibal Lecter describing how "Billy was not born a criminal, but made one of systematic abuse." The only other things we know is that he has a dog, raises Death's Head Moths and keeps captured women in holes.

So, how are we able to fully realize a person, a character, if they have no backstory? Well, this has almost nothing to do with Gumb, really. He has almost no backstory and he doesn't need it. If we learn more about his abusive life, we may begin to feel sorry for him, and we're not supposed to. Villains are at their best when we fear them, not psychoanalyzing them.

Defining moment: Hey Q Lazarus, thanks for licensing "Goodbye Horses" to this movie and Grand Theft Auto IV. Now when I'm being chased by the police in Liberty City and this song comes on, I can reminisce about Buffalo Bill dancing to this song and tucking his dick between his legs. Fun times!

100 Greatest Movie Characters: 97

"I am completely operational, and all my circuits are functioning perfectly."


97. HAL-9000
2001: A Space Oddyssey

In a film that analyzes man's place in the vast universe, is there really any better villain than a computer?

Cold, emotionless, eerily calming, and perfectly logical, HAL (Heuristically-programmed Algorithmic Computer) is the embodiment of the problems with technology: If something doesn't follow it's logic, it is useless. If something is useless, it can be disposed of.

HAL speaks in a discerningly calm and polite tone (as opposed to everyone else, who talk in a terse monotone) and leaves the viewers reassured at first, but as his own personal desires for the mission come into play, the calmness transforms into something incredibly creepy. It certainly doesn't help that he has complete control over all systems on the Discovery spaceship that he works on. With abilities ranging from facial recognition, natural language process, and reasoning (plus he can sing "Daisy Bell"), HAL is technology at its finest. And its most haunting.

Defining moment: As the only two conscious crew members on a ship with a mad robot, astronauts Frank Poole and Dave Bowman take every step to making sure HAL doesn't overhear their plan to disconnect him. Too bad they never realized he can read lips.

Extra fun fact: In France, HAL is called CARL, for "Cerveau Analytique de Recherche et de Liaison" (or "Analytic Research and Communication Brain" in English).

100 Greatest Movie Characters: 98

"There's a snake in my boot!"

98. Woody
Toy Story

A friendly hand-me-down cowboy doll, Woody was Andy's favorites toy since kindergarten and leader of all of Andy's toys, frequently holding meetings to keep the toys organized. Everyone in Andy's room respected him and he respected everyone in Andy's room. Until Andy's birthday, that is.

Seemingly replaced by action figure Buzz Lightyear, Woody becomes resentful of the space ranger. To make Lightyear even more of a burden for Woody, he seems to be unaware that he is a toy, but instead a member of Star Command on a dangerous mission.

Woody shows how any of us can feel when someone new and more interesting comes along (especially when they have flashing lights and karate-chop action). We feel dejected and despondent. Granted, we never wanted to push someone out of a window into the backyard of an absolute sadist, but still. Woody is, at his basest thread, human. Even if he is a child's plaything.

Defining moment: His plan to get out of Sid's house. Pure deviousness to the point of scaring a small child (even if said child tortures toys). His final moment, speaking to Sid directly while a legion of warped toys descends on the child, is fairly chilling.

100 Greatest Movie Characters: 99

"If I don't look after the interests of the underprivileged, maybe somebody else will, maybe somebody without any money or property...and that would be too bad!"


99. Charles Foster Kane
Citizen Kane

The heir to a vast fortune, Kane was whisked away at a young age from his poor family. Never looking back, Kane lives a life many of us could only dream. From running a media empire to trying his hand (and failing) as a politician, Kane almost led a full life. His eventual downfall and transformation into bitter recluse made his death and final words into the stuff of legends. Of course, his true undoing came from his lack of an actual childhood (y'know, that whole sled thing).

Orson Welles is seriously one of the greatest actors of all time and "Citizen Kane" is one of the most influential films of all time. Welles's downfall greatly mirrors that of his most famous character: With one flop after another, Welles became a bitter recluse himself, only emerging to take checks for film roles for things like "Transformers: The Movie" and, honest to God, wine commercials, meaning that the Orson Welles joke from "The Critic" isn't as far-fetched as it would seem.


Defining Moment:His last word, obviously. There are very few moments in film where one word can do so much.

Well I'm Done With That List

LOOKS LIKE IT'S TIME TO START ANOTHER WOOOOOOOOOOP

100 GREATEST MOVIE CHARACTERS. Okay, so, obviously, there will be spoilers for some of these films. If you haven't seen the film that the character is from (and want to see it at some later time), read it at your own risk.

"Fuck you, ya fucking fuckers"



100. Mr Smith
Shoot 'em Up

In what is maybe the most over-the-top action film ever made, Mr. Smith (Clive Owen) protects a baby from a bunch of bad guys led by Karl Hertz (Paul Giamatti).

Along the way, he shoots some bad guys, shoots some more bad guys, shoots a man's middle finger off, shoots the lights of a sign to make it spell "FUK U," and shoots people while sexing up Monica Bellucci. All in all, he does a tremendous amount of shooting. I guess that's why the movie's called "Shoot 'em Up."

But beneath his shooty-ness lies a genuine heart. A man skilled in the art of gunfighting, but longs for something more: A family.

Defining moment: Smith's hands are broken and Hertz has him cornered next to a fireplace. "Tell me I'm dead wrong about you," Hertz says and Smith implores him to say it again. "Tell me I'm dead-" BANG! By having bullets heat up in his hand, Smith is able to shoot Hertz WITHOUT A GUN

25 Best Music Videos: 1

C'mon, how many of you didn't expect this to be it


1. Sledgehammer
Peter Gabriel

Directed by Aardman Studios (makers of Wallace and Gromit and "Chicken Run"), "Sledgehammer" is a slice of brilliance from the former Genesis frontman and brilliant madman who laid beneath a sheet of glass for 16 straight hours to get the most out of this video.

Featuring everything from pixilation, stop-motion animation, and claymation, this video was a technological marvel for its time and still proves to be awesome. It may also be the happiest music video I've ever seen. From images of life being created and blood being pumped to an over-ready chicken hatching from an egg and dancing (then splitting in two), it is a surreal celebration of anything one would like to imagine.

I think the beauty of the medium of music videos is that it has the opportuniy to push the boundaries of what music can make you feel. Watching the "Smells Like Nirvana" video gives me even more of a kick than the song does, because its a mixture of a funny song and a gag-filled, funny video. Watching the "Tonight, Tonight" video always blows me away with its old-timey simplicity in a way its sweeping song can't. "Sabotage" is a hilarious goof of a parody, "Closer" and "Death Valley 69" are beautifully and eerily uncomfortable.

"Sledgehammer" makes me smile. That's it. It doesn't make me think, it doesn't make me want to do something about the world or my life, it doesn't even make me laugh. It just makes me smile. And when it's done, sometimes I just press play and watch the whole thing over again.

25 Best Music Videos: 2

2. Praise You
Fatboy Slim

The greatest guerrila music video ever made, Richard Koufey and the Torrance Community Dance Group created a special, incredibly well-coreographed dance for Fatboy Slim's song. Performed outside of a movie theater in Westwood, California, Koufey and his troupe perform to the song, much to the chagrin of many theater patrons and the theater manager.

While Koufey and the Group are completely fictional (actually SPIKE JONZE with a rat tail and a bunch of actors), everyone else is completely real. All the people waiting to go see their movies are never in on the joke of this goofy dance troupe performing "b-boy moves" (as Jonze says at one point, in a fairly pathetic voice), some even eventually come to appreciate the group, even boo-ing when someone turns off their boombox in the middle of the song (Jonze hops onto the dance-hater immediately after the song is shut off in a moment of bizarre comedy).

It really is an absolutely joyful music video, by all means. A bunch of people goofing around for a video win over almost everyone watching them while they all dance around like morons. There are only two dances I have ever tried to recreate. One is Duckie's performance of Otis Redding's "Try A Little Tenderness" in the film "Pretty In Pink" and the other is this one. I have honestly never been able to fully complete it because Spike Jonze's fresh b-boy moves are too good (and because the spastic dancing could cause me to trip and fall on my head and die)

Alternate text: I'll tell you what I should praise: THIS VIDEO! /doink sound effect

25 Best Music Videos: 3

3. Closer
Nine Inch Nails

Silent Hill is a survival horror video game; franchised, developed and published by Konami. The town of Silent Hill manifests itself in at least three distinct parallel layers, or dimensions: a normal, populated town; a quiet, seemingly abandoned town veiled by supernaturally thick fog; and a dark and decaying town (called the "Otherworld") filled with disturbing, hellish imagery. Only the latter two layers are explored by the games' protagonists, where demonic and disfigured creatures roam the streets and buildings (appearing in greater numbers in the Otherworld). Electricity and lighting are extremely limited or nonexistent as well.

Mark Romanek's video for "Closer" elicits much of the "Otherworld"- esque town. Seemingly set in a mad scientist's lab seemingly in the 19th century (seemingly filmed from an old camera and seemingly stored in a film reel, seemingly seemingly), Trent Reznor sings (and claims to want to fornicate with us like some kind of wild beast) in a silhouette into a microphone that manages to simultaneously seem phallic and look like a tit.

After the first eroticism segment finishes, we are treated to a number of artsy-fartsy confusing images, such as a monkey on a crucifix, Reznor swirling around in the air on a suspended wire, an ox skull, and a disembodied pig head being spun around on some type of machine that looks like it was made out of an erector set.

By the end, we are treated to a suspended Reznor playing keyboard keys hung on a wall and the video closes not making any more sense than in the beginning when a heart hooked up to a chair is beating and releasing steam.

This video combines confusingly erotic imagery with confusingly confusing imagery to give a new meaning to the term "artfuck"

25 Best Music Videos: 4

4. Take On Me
a-ha

Its really, really hard to take most music videos from the 80s seriously. It's hard to be a Pitchfork-level douchey music snob and praise the artistic merit of Ric Ocasek with a fly's body or David Lee Roth doing anything ever. Sometimes shit is just meant to be fun, there doesn't need to be a deeper level of context or whatever.

This video may be the epitome of such a thing. Woman reads a comic book, hand comes out and drags her into this rotoscoped sketchy comic book world (I should take this time to mention that this may be the only time I've seen rotoscoping actually work). Then there are some angry racers who lost to the lead singer of a-ha and they want to beat him up with a pipe wrench. By the end of the video, lead singer of a-ha (who is apparently named Morten Harket, which sounds like he comes from Whoville. Morton Whoket.) has escaped from the pipe wrench fight (and the comic book) to begin breaking down and smashing reality and fiction as he shifts between real and rotoscopey.

It doesn't appear that this video exists for any other reason than to be fun and entertaining. Maybe the rest of us are just trying too hard.

25 Best Music Videos: 5

5. Once In A Lifetime
Talking Heads

David Byrne is a goddamn weirdo genius. Bespectacled and in a suit, he dances in front of a background surrounded with snow and sometimes multiple David Byrnes.

Coreographed by Toni Basil (later becoming famous with the song "Mickey"), "Once In A Lifetime" features Byrne dancing in spastic, awkward movements (seriously influenced by seizure victims) and synchronous dancing by a legion of background Byrnes, while the (talking) head Byrne gets more and more out of sync with the others. Frankly, it's a strange video because David Byrne is a strange man.

This video is a quintessential Talking Heads music video. Actively pushing a medium that is usually never pushed, it leaves you wondering what the hell you just watched.

It also

25 Best Music Videos: 6

you pronounce it "sabotage." i pronounce it "sabo-tayge."


6. Sabotage
Beastie Boys

You know what TV Land needs? Less reality shows. It also needs more 70s crime dramas. In the 70s, there was no need for forensics or snappy one-liners while putting on sunglasses and blasting "Won't Get Fooled Again." All you needed were fists, guns, a cool car, and a soundtrack so funky you could swear it was stolen from a John Holmes film.

In the video for "Sabotage," directed by Spike Jonze (this fucking guy!), the Beastie Boys pretty much recreate the gritty theatrics of a "Baretta" or "Streets of San Francisco." Armed with loaded guns, sunglasses, and rockin' 'staches, the trio is able to make the opening credits sequence for a show so good that I wish it existed.

It being a fictional show (named "Sabotage," of course), there are fictional actors (each band member). So, "Sabotage" stars:

• Sir Stewart Wallace guest-starring as himself (MCA)
• Nathan Wind as Cochise (MCA again)
• Vic Colfari as Bobby, "The Rookie" (Adrock)
• Alasondro Alegre as "The Chief" (Mike D)
• Fred Kelly as Bunny (frequent Beastie Boys collaborator DJ Hurricane)

As the rock/rap mix plays, bad guys get busted, scum gets interrogated, fists fly, chases ensue, people get their heads slammed into car hoods, and one guest-starring Englishman gets tackled into a pool. All the makings of a classic cop show. Not only that, but there was shit cut out of the video. Including knife fights, a falling-off-a-bridge scene, and MCA in ANOTHER goddamn role, this time as a kung-fu master.

Oh, also this is the only video on this list (and to my knowledge, the only video ever) to actually influence an entire scene in a film (Danny Boyle's "Trainspotting.")