Fairytale of New York

The Pogues are awesome. I know like two songs by them that aren't "Fairytale of New York" and they are also great, but "Fairytale of New York"! Oh man, what a song. Like a damned modern Christmas classic. A fine taste of bittersweet holiday magic.

Shane MacGowan's warbly voice echoes the opening, singing about Christmas Eve in a drunk tank, dour and alone, as a bum talks to him about Christmas. As the bum begins singing "The Rare Old Mountain Dew," an old Irish drinking ballad, he reminisces about his past Christmases with a young woman(played by Kristy MacColl).

The song soon becomes a call and response between MacGowan and MacColl, as they sing about their happy first Christmas as immigrants to New York City. Very quickly it turns dark, as alcohol and drug addiction soon take their toll and what was once a loving relationship devolves into angry bickering and name calling(the words "faggot" and "slut" get thrown out in the song). All the while, though, the NYPD choir sing "Galway Bay"(NYPD doesn't actually have a choir). By the end, MacColl insults MacGowan by saying he "took my dreams from me when I first found you." MacGowan remorsefully reveals that not only did he keep her dreams with him, but he built his own dreams around his love for her.

For all the darkness carried inside of it, this ode to a less than merry Christmas is an incredibly beautiful modern classic.


HEY LOOK GUYS IT'S MATT DILLON AS THAT COP AT THE BEGINNING

Peace On Earth/Little Drummer Boy

In one of the most surreal moments in Christmas television history, Bing Crosby's final Xmas special before his death featured rocker David Bowie.

In a time where the Thin White Duke was actively trying to normalize his image, Bowie figured the best way to seem more normal was to appear on a Christmas special starring a man he knew nothing about other than his mom like him. Originally they were supposed to duet on Little Drummer Boy, but Bowie rejected the idea, saying he absolutely "hated that song"(and I don't really blame him). So the show's writers literally SAT DOWN AND WROTE A WHOLE NEW SONG.

Anyways the scene opens with Crosby letting Bowie in and asking if he's the new butler. A few minutes of hilariously awkward dialogue follow and then they sing. For all its strangeness, it's one of the most beautifully crafted duets ever with two greats, an old and a new, sharing a moment of Christmas cheer.


As much as he was trying to normalize himself, David Bowie still looks a whole lot like a lady.

Oi To The World

Contrary to the name, this song does not concern peace from people of the Jewish faith. It's "oi" not "oy." Oi. Not oy.

"Oi!" is actually a subgenre of punk that originated in the UK in the 70s. It mainly held a working class view, responding to how many of the original punk bands were joining labels. Its hard driving sound, deep political views, and penchant for beating the shit out of everything could put it as a sort of proto-hardcore punk. Of course, it frequently ran into trouble due to its association to the skinheads, a group of white supremacists recognized by their shaved heads and jeans splashed with bleach, among other things.

Anyways, The Vandals' (an American band from the 80s/90s, by the way) Oi to the World concerns an Indian Sikh punk named Hadji who forms his own Oi! band. Things take a bad turn though when performing in a pub, Hadji raises the ire of a gang of skinheads led by Trevor, who unwinds Hadji's turban and knocks him down.

An angered Hadji challenges Trevor to a gang fight between the punks and the skins on December 25 on the roof of 20 Oxford St. Although each gang gets a good amount of punches and kicks in, Hadji(already beaten from before and now with a few more broken bones to his name) takes out a sword(like the guy in Indiana Jones) and ends up stabbing Trevor.

Soon enough the police come and both gangs flee with Trevor laying there bleeding and Hadji abandoned by his band. Noticing the North Star shining brighter than usual, Hadji takes a part of his turban and uses it as a tourniquet, saving Trevor's life. Using the rest of the turban to rappel down the roof, a thankful Trevor treats Hadji to a glass of bourbon back at the pub.

It's nice to know that, despite all the cynicism and anger of most punks, some groups still can join together in peace and holiday unity.

Oi to the punks. Oi to the skins. Oi to the world and everybody wins.

Christmas In Hollis

I was originally going to find a screenshot from the scene in Die Hard where Argyle and McClane are in the limo and he's blasting the song and McClane is all like "You got any Christmas music?" and Argyle says "Man, this is Christmas music!"

But the Keith Haring artwork was too good to pass up.

Hi guys, here's more Christmas rapping for you. From Run-DMC

It's pretty rare to find a new Christmas song. All anybody really wants are the standard stuff like "White Christmas" or "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing." Hell, even on the album where "Christmas in Hollis" premiered("A Very Special Christmas"), all the other songs on the compilation record were covers.

The song tells two different stories. In the first half of the song, Run raps about how on Christmas Eve he spots a man and his dog in the park near Hollis Avenue in Queens, New York. At first wary, Run approaches the man only to discover the dog is a reindeer and the man has a big white beard and a bag full of toys. The clock soon turns to 12 and the bearded man takes flight, but his wallet falls out. When Run opens the wallet, he finds a license reading "Santa Claus" and "cold hundreds of G's," at least a million dollars. Run, knowing in his heart that stealing from Santa is wrong, rushed to mail it back to the North Pole. When he gets home, though, he finds a letter from Santa Claus filled with all the money from before.

The rest of the song has both DMC and Run rapping about a regular Christmastime in Hollis, Queens. Yule log in the fireplace, chicken and collard greens for dinner, the ground outside covered in snow.

It's actually a pretty quaint setting that you would expect from any other Christmas song. Shows how Run-DMC had their hearts in the right place.

Christmas At Ground Zero

In the future, after the nuclear holocaust, all that will be left are cockroaches and, apparently Christmas spirit.

Christmas is always a time for novelty songs but no one rocks the novelty song world quite like Weird Al Yankovic. In this case, Yankovic blends the 60s "Wall of Sound" Xmas songs with Cold War nuclear paranoia.

One of Yankovic's darker songs, the song basically concerns an apocalyptic Christmas Eve as air raid sirens fill the air and atom bombs are dropping everywhere.

You don't really hear to much nowadays since Ground Zero has become the go-to name of the site of the September 11 attacks on the World Trade Center in New York City. But it's still a really entertaining song that pokes fun at the inherent paranoid nature we all have.

Whoops, can't embed! Click here please.

Hanukkah Blessings

Last night was the first night of Hanukkah. While I find it hard that any of you wouldn't know what Hannukah is, there's probably someone out there who didn't watch the Rugrats Hanukkah Special(or Lamb Chop's Hanukkah or whatever) as a kid and is pretty uninitiated to the Festival of Lights.

So here's the deal: Antiochus was a dick, looted the Temple of Jerusalem and outlawed Judaism. Because he wasn't feeling enough like a jerk-off, he built an altar to Zeus in the temple, banned circumcision and demanded pigs be sacrificed at the base of the Zeus altar.

Now obviously none of this sat well with the Jewish people and it led to wide-scale revolts and Matthias and his sons(Jochanan, Simeon, Eleazar, Jonathan, Judah, Greg, Peter and Bobby) led a rebellion against Antiochus. Matthias soon died and Judah took his place as leader of the rebellion(alongside Luke Skywalker) and in a fucking year, the revolt was a success.

Much like the end of "Return of the Jedi," there was a huge celebration(although there were significantly less Ewoks). Judah ordered the Temple of Jerusalem to be cleansed and to re-light the menorah(that candle thing in the picture above because if you don't know what Hanukkah is, you probably have no fuckin idea what a menorah is) which is supposed to burn throughout the night every night. HOWEVER, there was only enough olive oil to burn for a single night. Through some sort of miracle(as all these stories have one), it managed to burn for eight whole days which was exactly the right amount of time to make a fresh supply of oil for the menorah. What an interesting coincidence! Anyways, the sages(Princess Zelda, Rauru, Saria, Darunia, Princess Ruto, Impa and Nabooru) proclaimed there would be an eight-day festival in honor of the miracle.

So now we light candles for eight days and give each other shitty presents.

Also, Barenaked Ladies wrote a pretty good new Hanukkah song that incorporates the blessings you say as you light the candles each night. So that's fun.

Merry Christmas (I Don't Want To Fight Tonight)

There certainly seems to be a scarcity of punk Christmas songs. I don't know if it's the heavy Jewish influence of punk rock or if it's just that punks don't give a shit (I'm leaning on the latter). There are, however, three (well, almost three) joyfully almost hopeful punk Xmas tunes.

The first one comes from punk royalty The Ramones. Joey, Johnny, Marky(replacing long-gone founder Tommy) and Dee Dee perform with the standard fury and speed you would expect from the boys from Forest Hills.

Off of 89's "Brain Drain," which also gave a great Halloween song(Pet Sematary) and an excellent cover (Palisades Park) displaying Joey's love of old 50's rock n roll, Merry Christmas (I Don't Want To Fight Tonight) is all about a young couple's trials and tribulations on Xmas Eve. Having fought for the rest of the year, the narrator pleads for a refrain from arguments as he asks "Where is Santa and his sleigh?/And tell me why is it always this way."

However for all the fighting they apparently still care for each as the prelude to the chorus states "I love you and you love me/And that's the way it's got to be," professing how "Christmas ain't the time for breaking each other's heart."

It's a cry for peace. Perhaps not in the same vein as John Lennon, but it's a cry for at least one night without constant bickering.

Do They Know It's Christmas

Guys, I don't know if you know this. There's a lot of starving people out there. Like a lot a lot. I'm just finding this out now.

Bob Geldof, lead singer of the Happy Mondays, a band who's biggest hit was about a girl who shoots up a school because she was bored, decided to fight the forces of hunger by forming Band Aid, a musical supergroup, and releasing a single with all the proceeds going to charity.

Band Aid was formed with some of the most famous musicians of all time(re: the 80s). Among the band include:

• Queen
• Paul McCartney (deciding not to ruin another Christmas song)
• Bono (sporting the greatest mullet of all time)
• Boy George (being Boy George)
• Sting (who literally looks exactly the same as he does now)
• George Michael
• Phil Collins

and also Jody Whatley, Bananarama, Duran Duran and a couple of other bands who had like zero hits in the 80s.

For years it was the largest selling single in the UK until Elton John remade his song about one dead lady and made it about another dead lady. Unlike that song, however, Band Aid has reappeared in multiple incarnations. The most recent including Dido, Robbie Williams and Chris Martin. Damon Albarn of Blur made the tea for the event. I'm serious.

Elf's Lament

For some reason I have a thing for bittersweet Christmas songs. I guess it's just interesting for a dour reminder of life even during this incredibly joyful season. Some of us aren't as lucky as other. Some have to work on Christmas. Others have to work all the way up until Christmas.

Elf's Lament is the tale of a bitter toymaker. Toiling everyday in the awful conditions of the North Pole, the little elf works his frozen hinder year-round making toys for kids, only to get none of the glory when the "fat man"(as he's referred to in the son) delivers the toys on Christmas night.

It's not like it's even worth it anyways. All the crappy wooden trains he makes are just going to be thrown away. The elf soon finds a few like-minded individuals and draws up a petition asking to redefine "employment" under the fat man's rule. Yes, he forms an elf union. And if fatty objects, well he'll soon be wondering where the toys went!

Although you won't see it in the video, the CD track features vocals from crooner Michael Bublé. I only mention this because I like mentioning his name. Bublé. It's fun to say. Try to say it some time!



Bublé!

The Vince Guaraldi Fanblog Presents...

The Right Way and Wrong Way to do a Christmas Song (if you are a former Beatle)


The Right Way

The right way to do a Christmas song (if you are a former Beatle) is to pen a heartfelt antiwar protest song. Despite the stance of John Lennon's Happy Xmas (War Is Over), the song is less about decrying war and more about a plea for peace.

Also, you can arrange the musical structure to have beautiful instrumentation and a chorus of children (always a Christmas favorite). The children's lines "War is over if you want it. War is over now" come from a series of billboards John and Yoko posted in eleven cities all around the world in 1969. In New York, Tokyo, Rome, Athens, Amsterdam, London, Paris and Toronto in late 69, posters reading "War is over! If you want it. Merry Christmas from John and Yoko" (see above) were seen declaring a stance against the highly controversial Vietnam War.

I think the reason this song works is that, despite all its trappings to be overtly cheesy (singing children, sappy protest lyrics), the words came directly from Lennon's heart. It was a meaningful love of the generosity and kindness of Christmas.



The Wrong Way

The wrong way to do a Christmas song (if you are a former Beatle) is to do Wonderful Christmastime. I've recently discovered that a lot of people actually enjoy this song and it's really disheartening to me.

This song, for lack of a better word, sucks. It sucks hard. It's a never-ending barrage of repetitive lyrics and crappy synthesizers while Paul McCartney constantly sings about how he's simply having a wonderful Christmastime.

And I know its supposed to have rhyming words because each verse rhymes but McCartney forgot to make something rhyme with "our spirit's up," so he uses "that's enough." UP AND ENOUGH DON'T EVEN RHYME ARGH. The melody of the song literally goes nowhere but circles, constantly repeating that awful wet synth sound.



I cannot believe this ass wrote Helter Skelter.

Christmas Wrapping

Ohio seems to be a haven for post-punk groups. Pere Ubu, Devo and The Waitresses all hail from The Buckeye State(the latter two both coming from Akron). Only one of those made a Christmas song. At least I think so, but I'm not really sure if Pere Ubu or Devo would ever make a Xmas song anyways.

A straight-forward narrative, Christmas Wrapping involves a busy young woman(portrayed by vocalist Patty Donahue)sitting out of the exhausting Christmas season and vowing not to participate in any Christmas traditions(except for Christmas dinner, I guess).

The woman tells a story about how last year she met a guy at a ski lodge and kept setting up dates to meet again, only for fate to intervene in one way or another. This woman's life has the worst luck possible.

Come Christmas Eve, our heroine, preparing dinner(complete with the A&P providing her "with the world's smallest turkey") comes to the realization that she forgot cranberries. Trudging back out into the snow to the only all-night grocery in town, she meets the guy she's been trying to meet again all year. Turns out he forgot cranberries, too. As the song closes, the woman's faith in the Christmas spirit has been restored and closes the song with a happy ending.

I only know three songs by The Waitresses: I Know What Boys Like, Christmas Wrapping and the theme from Square Pegs. I love all three, but Christmas Wrapping? That's my favorite.

I Hate Christmas

May as well use a segue between this and last month



Okay so on December 3, 1978, Sesame Street had its first Christmas special. Christmas Eve On Sesame Street was all about three different plotlines. One involved Cookie Monster trying to contact Santa for cookies and eating all the devices(a pencil and paper, a typewriter and a phone. He was going to try to ask Santa for cookies by phone) he was trying to contact him with. One was a really heartwarming reenactment of "Gift of the Magi" with Bert and Ernie selling their prized possessions(Ernie's rubber duckie and Bert's paper clip collection) to Mr. Hooper for a gift for the other one(of course, Hooper gives the loved objects back to the buddies and teaches them a lesson in generosity).

The main plotline is even better. Big Bird, excited for Christmas, is confronted by Oscar the Grouch who tells him that its impossible for Santa to get down the chimney and therefore cannot deliver presents. A distraught Big Bird tries to prove Oscar wrong by perching on an apartment roof, waiting for Santa's arrival. Of course when no one can find a 6 year-old, bird or no, people get worried. Eventually falling asleep, a mysterious shadowy figure, accompanied by sleigh bells and hoofbeats, passes Big Bird. Soon, Big Bird is startled awake by noises but can't find anyone so he gets off the roof and into the apartment to warm up, where Gordon and Susan find him and make him stay inside for the rest of the night. While the chimney dilemma is never solved, Big Bird finds presents beneath the tree, which proves to him that Santa exists.

Anyways, among all of this, Oscar sings a song. It's called "I Hate Christmas." It's about how much he hates Christmas. You see, Christmas is all about happiness and good cheer, and if there's one thing a Grouch hates, it's everything. But they especially hate happiness. I had no idea Grouches and Grinches were related.


1:27. Check out Hooper's face.

What? It's December 2nd already?

Guess I should get started then!

Welcome to my Christmas blog. I'd like to thank you for the year, so I'm sending you these posts about Christmas songs to say it's nice to have you here!

So let's go!

Saying Goodbye

Looks like I'm done. Huh.

Well, thanks for reading this month, I guess. If you want some sources, I used the Muppet Wiki and Progressive Boink's list of best Muppets.

I'm probably going to take a little break until December starts. I still don't even know what I'm gonna write about next month, but whatever(BUT IF YOU GUYS HAVE IDEAS).

But until then...

TSSnSF: The Bed

Plagued by silence, Lou Reed's The Bed is the second to last song on my favorite album of his, Berlin, a tragic rock opera of a couple doomed by their own love, drug use, and depression.

The Bed involves Lou reminiscing of his love. There is where she laid her head when she went to sleep. There's where their children were conceived (before they were taken away by the government, documented in another track called "The Kids"). And there? There's where she cut her wrists. That odd and faithful night.

Much like Mass Production, The Bed is steeped in eerie sadness. Backed with no other instrument but Lou's guitar, he tells his story, seemingly near-dead himself. Almost quietly singing to himself, a ghostly choir frequently echoing into the room after the chorus. A past memory, haunting him over and over as his thoughts keep coming back to his lost beautiful love. Its almost too much to bear.

TSSnSF: Mass Production

The crushing isolation of being an individual can sometimes be too much. The desire to be accepted as a cookie-cutter human being can be almost sinfully enticing sometimes. Iggy Pop knows how it feels.

A favorite of artists like Siouxsie Sioux and David Bowie, Iggy's The Idiot is one of the most depressing albums of all time. It honestly makes me feel just empty whenever I listen to any track off of it. When Joy Division's Ian Curtis was found dead, this album was actually playing which just adds to the creepy/soul-crushing mystique of the whole thing.

The final track on the album, Mass Production is all about loneliness. Iggy's working in a factory (not unlike our old friend Frankie Teardrop) and he finds a girl and asks her for her number. Well, not her number, but a girl almost like her. Better than her. So he can be better, too.

As the song drones, industry moves on, instruments replicating machinery whirring, smokestacks belching, creating the freak scene of widely produced human beings. Perfectly crafted ubermensches. No matter how many times Iggy tries to kill himself, he's placed right back on his job at the factory. Constantly working on this hellish line for all eternity.

The song comes to a close as the instruments break down, malfunctioning, struggling to spit out their putrid product. Iggy's daft dreams finally are coming realized, though, as he begins repeating over the music trying to drown him out "I'm almost like him. Yes, I'm almost like him." Losing himself forever in the need to be wanted in society.

TSSnSF: Subway Song

We've all had those moments. It's dark, we're alone. Maybe it's raining outside. It's all a classic slasher movie formula and even though we should know better, there's always the ever present fear that something bad will happen. It's all the imagination and there is nothing more frightening than what the human mind can devise.

The greatest song about a woman being stalked (Dead Kennedys' song The Prey comes in at second. I don't know any other songs on this subject, though), The Cure's ode to walking alone at night is all about the fear of anticipation. Never knowing what's really going to happen.

A slow bass line echoes like the footsteps following the woman as Robert Smith's voice softly tells the tale. Eight lines long, the woman knowing there's someone following her closely. Afraid, she dare not turn around.

Then it happens, depending on the version you're listening to, the song will either just fade out (or abruptly stop) leaving your imagination to run wild about what happened (presumably the worst). OR you're left with the song fading out and the real reveal of the woman's fate as Smith lets loose an ear-piercing scream that is entirely unexpected.

Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately), the only studio version I could find is the one that just goes away rather than giving us a scream. Also I can't embed it because it isn't allowed.

The Cure - Subway Song

TSSnSF: Mildred Pierce

Set in Los Angeles in the 1930s, Mildred Pierce is the story of a middle-class housewife's attempt to maintain her and her family's social position during the Great Depression. Frustrated by her unemployed husband, and worried by their dwindling finances, Mildred separates from him and sets out to support herself and her children on her own.

Although it shares the name with James M. Cain's tragic novel (turned into a film starring Joan Crawford), the track off of Sonic Youth's major label debut Goo has nothing in common with it. It's an almost entirely instrumental track, save for Thruston Moore declaring the name of the song in the beginning. Oh, and the end.

Not too long, the song sort of drags through concert style echoed guitars and fuzzy bass. Then comes the last 30 seconds. I want to remind you that this was the major label debut of the indie rock godfathers. A big record company trusted the band enough to widely distribute an album with Mildred Pierce on it. Maybe he didn't know, maybe the band snuck it onto the album, but it doesn't seem possible that audiences were clamoring for the finale of Mildred Pierce.

After the repetitive bass and guitars comes a pure psycho freakout of screaming instruments and Thurston shrieking his head off. It's almost as if it's serving as a message to those who think joining a major label is selling out. Even under the umbrella of a big corporation, you can stil perform acts of extreme discomfort.

Also the video includes Sofia Coppola doing a decent Joan Crawford impression and which means the best acting Sofia Coppola has ever done is for a 2 minute Sonic Youth music video.

TSSnSF: Pink Elephants On Parade

Ah, good old fashioned nightmare fuel. Now for kids! Walt Disney had a passion for entertaining children. He also enjoyed scaring the fuck out of them with dark forests filled with evil trees, islands where vices turn kids into donkeys for salt mines and nightmarish hallucinations and dreams.


Also, beloved cartoon character Donald Duck swinging an axe around.

In the animated classic Dumbo, an elephant learns to accept himself for what he looks like and is able to put his deformities to good use, thanks to a friendly mouse, his caring mother, and a bunch of racist-ass crows.


This was progressive at the time. PROGRESSIVE

The same movie involves the adorable elephant drinking a load of alcohol and getting ridiculously shit-faced to the point of seeing a bunch of monstrous pink elephants. The elephants proceed to scare the shit out of any child ever watching. Most kids first experience with psychedelic imagery comes from Pink Elephants.

The song is pretty weird, as well. Voices alternate, trumpets blare, drums pound, chaos erupts in the end, before finally fading into peace as the little elephant wakes up from a hangover he'll never forget (do you realize elephants).



Second in freaky Disney songs in kids films is fucking Heffalumps and Woozles. Man, they couldn't have drawn that first Woozle any more menacing. And the instrumental part with the warped instruments playing? What the fuck, man.

TNSSSnSF: Psycho Killer

Une chanson brillante par Talking Heads, Psycho Killer centers around the mind of a serial killer and David Byrne's desire to understand what goes on in said mind. And apparently that involves listening to Alice Cooper a lot, since that's what Byrne used for inspiration.

Assuming the role of the killer, Byrne waxes philisophic over "psycho killer. Qu'est-ce que c'est?" (or what is it). Byrne is tense and nervous over something, his need to sleep seems to have hit an obstacle since his bed is on fire. And the chorus, other than the French part, has him telling himself (or someone) to run away (after saying "fa" a lot).

The bridge gives us an even deeper look into his psyche. But it's in French, so unless you can understand French, you're pretty shit out of luck. Basically what Byrne reveals is that something happened one evening between him and a woman that ended with him going "headlong for glory." Take what you like of that line.

Ceci est ma chanson préférée!