Addendum to Zombie List or: "Me talking about an old video game for a paragraph"

In my list of favorite zombies (see below), I listed Stubbs from "Stubbs the Zombie in: Rebel Without A Pulse" at number 11. In it, I called the game "one of the most unique games I've ever had the short chance to play."

Well, I recently purchased it and I can safely say that while Stubbs shall remain in his position on my list, I had way too many good times playing his game. While most zombie games have you play as a survivor warding off the undead, it is beyond joyful to play as a zombie. I don't think I've had as much fun in an action game than using the abilities of heaving explosive organs, using mind-controlling hands, and, of course, brain-eating, all to build an army of the undead to chase down an old flame.

"Stubbs the Zombie" is an incredibly underrated game that is fun as hell to play. Buy it on Steam or Xbox Live or find a place that still sells Xbox games. Seriously, find it and play it. I cannot support this game enough.

15 Greatest Zombies 5-1

5. Bob

The only zombie on this list to come from a song (in this case, Jonathan Coulton's "Re: Your Brains"), Bob is, much like Stubbs, not particularly evil, but still has a thirst for organs and murder. I mean, he is still an undead monster after all.

However, in the song, Bob shows great intelligence whilst corresponding with Tom from the office down the hall. Bob is very friendly in his conversations, like any good businessman should, even as he assures Tom and his fellow survivors that they will die.



4. That zombie what fought a shark

A good fight scene can thrill an audience and put them on the edge of their seat. A great fight scene is so holy fuck awesome that you will not forget it EVER. There is a scene in Lucio Fulci's "Zombi" that is so holy fuck awesome that it has to be seen to be believed. That scene is when a zombie fights a fuckin shark.

Does it matter that the shark had its teeth removed and was sedated? Shit no. Why? Because it still is god damned amazing and ends with the zombie WINNING and making a fucking zombie shark.


3. Cemetery Zombie

Yeah, there were zombie films before "Night of the Living Dead." Who cares, though? Once people caught a glimpse of that first zombie killing Barbara's brother in the cemetery, that may as well have been the first time the undead were put on celluloid.

He only appears for a few minutes but after he smashes Johnny's head into a tombstone and chases (zombies can't really chase, can they?) Barbara, people knew that this new breed of zombie wasn't to be fucked with.

Also, he looks a lot like Tom Kenny and that's pretty awesome to me.


2. Tarman

A skeletal monstrosity covered in tar, the Tarman is the quintessential zombie in "Return of the Living Dead," the movie where we get a lot of modern zombie mythos (i.e. they feed on brains, they have a limited vocabulary as opposed to just grunts, etc.).

Sealed in a tar barrel for years only to be brought back from the dead, Tarman finally found comfort after killing some punk who came into his basement, busting out of his tar barrel with a scream of "BRAINS!" and chowing down on his head.

Played by mime Alan Trautman in a suit with a robot head, Tarman's movements lead to one of the most disturbing and strange zombie performances ever made.


1. Bub

There is no reason that any breathing un-undead person would not choose Bub as the greatest zombie of all time. The subject of the underground experiments for a cure, "Day of the Dead"'s Bub stands as the example of zombies as more than slow, dumb, monsters.

Bub exhibits abilities such as recalling memories, showing emotions, and even proving himself to be a moral human being, all by protecting his experimenter by shooting a psycho military captain gone martial law (that same captain had previously mocked Bub and treated him like dirt).

Bub shows in "Day of the Dead" that, even as a zombie, he is still a human at the bottom of his no longer beating heart.

15 Greatest Zombies 10-6

10. Zombie Dogs

The first Resident Evil was pretty straightforward in its zombie fighting. Zombie to the left slowly shambling? Shoot it. Zombie in the next room slowly shambling? Shoot it. Walk past the windo-OH GOD KILL IT SHOOT IT KILL IT!

The shock of the zombie dogs in RE may wear off after the thousandth time one jumps through a window, but that initial fright is why it made my list.



9. Headcrab Zombies
Headcrabs are like giant ticks, they feed on...something in your head. They also use the head as host bodies for whatever the hell they do. Standard headcrab zombies are slow moving and dumb, like any standard zombie, but with variant headcrabs come variant zombies.

The fast headcrab creates a zombie capable of great speed and agility and resembles a burnt skeleton, as it lacks any tissue or skin or organs. The poison headcrab makes a disgusting bloated, hunched zombie whose body is used as an nest for more poison headcrabs to appear.



8. Redead

Apparently the rest of this list is video game zombies. Redeads are the scariest enemies in Legend of Zelda. Seemingly harmless upright corpses, still as the grave. That is, until you get too close. Then they lift their head up, emitting a ear-piercing scream that stops you dead in your tracks, where they then proceed to skull-fuck the hearts out of you.


7. Zombie Michael Jackson

In the ambitious 15-minute "Thriller" music video, the dead rise to torture Michael Jackson and his girlfriend, then Michael Jackson becomes a zombie and all the zombies dance and it is awesome. Everyone knows that god damned dance and rightly so. If zombies could actually dance, that would totally be how they dance.

Also the Vincent Price rap is one of the most fucking priceless things I have ever heard.


6. Ed

Ed is a crass human being. He is a rude, obnoxnious, lazy, foul-mouthed prick who barely takes a real zombie invasion seriously. But he is one of the most loyal friends you could ever have.

Ed is easily the best character in "Shaun of the Dead," which is why its genuinely sad to see him go. As one of the last three survivors of the Winchester invasion, Ed aids in fighting off zombies until he gets bitten himself.

Favoring to kill a few more zombies than to commit suicide with his last few shotgun shells, Ed used the corpse of a rather large undead bloke to shield himself from the zombies until he passed away peacefully. Shaun eventually found him and, as he couldn't bring himself to kill his old friend, lured him to the shed where is chained up, playing video games, just like old times.

15 Greatest Zombies 15-11

Anyone who has talked to me on the subject of horror movies knows that I love the shit out of zombies. They are a great monster in that they aren't fast or strong or smart (but as humans they can learn, which is awesome). I don't really have much else to say about these creatures, so, best zombies. Lets do it.

15. Clairvius Narcisse

If you've seen "The Serpent and The Rainbow," you know the story of Narcisse. Clairvius had allegedly died when he was buried in 1962, but what people didn't know is that he was poisoned to appear to be dead. He was then dug up and served as a semi-comatose zombie servant for the Haitian bokor sorcerer that poisoned him.

14. Der Toten Korps

In the cult classic "Shock Waves," Director Ken Wiederhorn answers the question "what is worse than a zombie" with "nazi zombie." Designed by nazi commanders to pilot U-boats without need to resurface for air, these undead ubermensch take both national socialism and zombies to hilariously cheesy levels of bad taste.

13. Dr. Carl Hill

Dr. Hill is the reanimated head of HP Lovecraft's "Re-animator." Resurrected by Herbert West, who he killed after discovering a convoulted evil plot, he spends a third of the film undead, running around with his own decapitated head in his hands. He also licked a woman and I mean he licks her down there.

12. Selwyn

This happy-go-lucky little kid comes to us from "Braindead" (or "Dead Alive") by Mr. Peter Jackson. "Braindead" is easily one of the best zombie movies and, unsurprisingly, one of the most stomach-churningly gory films ever made. In the third most famous scene in the movie (or maybe fourth), mama's boy-turned-zombie asskicker Lionel Cosgrove chases him around a park where he begins to violently bludgeon the ever-happy wee one in front of a bunch of aghast old ladies.

11. Stubbs

A former salesman, murdered by the father of his lover, rises from his grave in the 50s in the futuristic town of Punchbowl. He proceeds to wreak havoc by building his undead army, searching for his old flame, and using weapons including a detachable hand, exploding organs, and zombie flatulence.

"Stubbs the Zombie" was one the most unique games I've ever had the short chance to play. It is weird and quirky and fun as hell. It helps that the soundtrack is beyond fucking awesome